Be Be Your Love: Knocking On Forbidden Doors
by syd-monpeu
Summary: Part 4 of the Be Be Your Love Series: Derek and Addison struggle with balancing their seperate relationships and the constant reminder of what they used to have. Ch8: Addek, MerDer,AddOC and Addex:bffs.
1. More Adventurous

Hey!

No I'm not dead. I just took like… a month off from writing. Oops.

You wouldn't have wanted me to be writing anyway. It would have been… not good.

But this is seriously the longest chapter ever. So, that makes up for it. Right?

If you have to pee, do it now. I'm not kidding about it being long.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He saw her the second that she entered the hallway; she noticed him a moment later. They made eye contact only briefly before she continued down the hall. Within seconds he had intercepted her and grabbing her hand pulled her into the nearby conference room.

He took her firmly by the shoulders and seated her in a chair at the end of the table, "You sit there and think," he instructed her as he crossed the room, putting a large distance between them, "I'll stand here and think."

She stared at him.

He thought for a few moments then glanced up at her, "You're not thinking."

Addison looked at him incredulously, "I don't know what I am suppose to be thinking about."

"Us," Derek exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Us," Addison said slowly, "You show up at my house. You say you want more, I don't even know what you want more of, and now you are telling me to think? I don't know what to _think_ Derek. I have never been so confused in my _life_."

"What are we _going to do_?"

"About _what_!"

"About _us_ Addison! What are we going to _do_?"

"Nothing!"

"We..." he began, leaning against the counter that held the coffee maker.

"Derek," Addison warned him, "There is noth..."

"Meredith is very fragile right now. She needs me…" he began what was obviously a semi-rehearsed speech.

Addison's eyes widened in surprise, "_What_ are you…"

"She needs stability…"

"_Derek!"_

"Addison!" he exclaimed, "Just listen to me. I can't leave Meredith."

"You _won't_ leave Mered..."

"You won't leave Geoff either!"

"You never asked me too," Addison replied calmly, then realized what she had just implied, "Not that it… makes… a difference."

There was a long silence.

"Derek, I'm happy with Geoffrey. I love him."

Derek stared down at his shoes, then dismissing her comment looked back up at her, "Would you? Leave him?"

"Will you leave Meredith?"

"Meredith is sick! She hasn't even been out of rehab a month!"

"Then I guess it doesn't matter if I'll leave Geoff or not."

"Then what are we suppose to do?"

Addison looked away.

"It doesn't leave us many options."

"For what?"

"Us."

"To do what?"

"Be together."

Addison stared at him for a moment, "What do you _want_ Derek..."

"You."

"For what?" Addison asked in exasperation, "Is this a sex thing? You want to have sex with me?"

"No! Well yes… but…" Derek shook his head and started again, "Only if that's what you want," his jaw tensed in exasperation, "Of course I want to have sex with you, I have a pulse. But I want you. Us."

"Why?"

"Why?" Derek couldn't believe she was fighting him on this, "Addison…"

"No," she stood up, "It doesn't matter why. I can't…" She looked everywhere but him before moving to the door.

"Addison," Derek lunged forward and grabbed her hand.

"Derek," She pulled her hand away, "I'm _happy_." She said firmly, "I haven't been happy like this in _years_. And I'm not going to mess it up because…" she paused, "No. I just won't do it. I'm sorry that you are not perfectly _content_ with life right now, but eventually things with Meredith will be _perfect_ and _wonderful_ again and you will _thank me_ for walking away right now."

Derek grabbed her elbow and pushed her back into her chair, "I _need_ you," he said firmly sitting down in the chair beside her and turning it so they faced each other, "I don't know why, I don't know why _now_… I don't know anything. I just know that I want more then a few accidental encounters that leave us both feeling overwhelmingly guilty."

"And you think that if we both agree to it before hand, if it's not an accident, that we won't feel guilty? What is _wrong_ with you?"

"I don't know," he exclaimed, "But at least when I'm feeling guilty about being with you I feel _something_."

Addison sighed, leaned forward and buried her face in her hands, "I'm to sober for this conversation."

XXXX

"I thought you were kidding."

Addison's eyes slid over as he seated himself beside her, "I wish _you were_." She took a sip of her drink and stared straight ahead, "And it's just juice in a pretty cup."

He smiled, "I'm glad you're thinking about it at least."

"I'm not," she lied, "I'm eating lunch."

Derek moved over to sit across from her and folded his hands on top of the table, "It's either this or nothing."

"Then it's nothing," she said simply.

"Addison!" he exclaimed louder then he meant to, "Addison," he repeated, softer this time, "I know that you want this."

"No, Derek. I really don't."

"Then why are you listening when I talk about it?"

Addison poked at her lunch but avoided eye contact.

"I've tried to find a way around this. We've both tried to ignore it and it's exhausting. Addison…" he sighed heavily, "This is ridiculous. We went from being everything to each other to thinking that we could be nothing. That's stupid. We are being stupid about this. We should be able to have whatever relationship we want. Whatever makes us happy." He paused, "That's my conclusion."

She glanced at him apprehensively then stared out the window for a long time, "How would this work?" she asked finally, "Hypothetically."

"I don't know," Derek admitted, "But at least we would have something."

Addison's voice was calm as she weighed the possibilities, "You live with her. And she has roommates, including Callie. I can't go there. Three of us work at this hospital. Geoff has a key to my condo so that would be risky. Hotels are tacky, and it would get really expensive. We can't ever go out anywhere," she sighed, "So what? What does that leave us?" She shrugged and gave up, "Nothing."

He stared at the table for along time, "The trailer."

"Excuse me?"

"The trailer…"

"No. I _heard you_. I just didn't believe you."

"It leaves us the trailer. As far as Meredith knows it's closed up, Geoff wouldn't look for you. We'd have everything we needed up there. We could even cook dinner, go out for walks, watch movies."

"The trailer," she bit the inside of her lip, "Do you know what we are talking about doing?"

"It's this or nothing."

"We are talking about having an affair, Derek."

"Addison. What other choice do we have?"

Addison stared over his shoulder, "Meredith just walked in the door."

Derek glanced at the door, waved to Meredith and turned back to Addison.

Addison was shaking her head and gathering her things, "No."

"Addison…"

"I love him to much, Derek. It's not worth it. _You_ are not worth it."

XXXX

"If he is going to move in he could at least unpack." Izzie stood in the middle of the living room, hands on her hips.

"It's one box," George muttered, attempting to see past her to the TV. There was a marathon of classic spiderman episodes. Besides, he was currently using the box as an ottoman.

"I'm unpacking it," Izzie declared, pushing George's feet unceremoniously off of the box and onto the floor with a thud.

"Why?"

"Because this is the last box. The interesting box. The mystery box. The box that he doesn't want to deal with opening."

George's interest peaked and he sat up, "What do you think is in it?"

"I don't know. That's why we are unpacking it."

"Oh, so we are snooping thr-..."

"_No!_ No. We are 'unpacking'. The box is clearly in the way."

George nodded.

"Knife."

George handed her the knife from the nearby desk.

Izzie slowly cut through the tape freeing the flaps of the box. She glanced at George, He slowly nodded. She nodded back, and opened the box.

"Tapes," Izzie grabbed one at random, "Neurozi-..., I can't even pronounce that," She held it up for him to see, "Can you say that?"

George shook his head.

"I'll make popcorn."

"I'll hook up the VCR."

XXXX

"That was gross."

"Not as gross as the third one."

"What are you putting in now?"

"Whatever was next in the pile."

"_Put it away."_

"_Do something."_

_Addison rolled her eyes, "I'm doing the dishes."_

_There was a long pan of Addison's bare legs, "Do something else."_

"_Derek, come dry please."_

_The camera now focused on her chest, trying to catch a peek of her breast through the neck of her shirt._

"_Addy, could you pass me the vase on the sill?"_

_Addison reached forward causing her shirt to gape, "What do you need... Derek!"_

_The camera lens was suddenly covered in suds._

George hit the stop button and froze.

Izzie sat motionless on the floor.

"We shouldn't be watching these," George murmured.

With out looking at George she placed the new tape in the VCR.

He pressed play.

"_... put it in storage."_

"_Because I hate it."_

"_We have had this camera for 8 years. It's like a part of the family. _

"_It's like my Aunt Ruth, should only appear at family reunions," Addison said as she poured glasses of wine._

"_It's Christmas Day."_

"They are in the trailer," George said softly.

"I know."

"This was in Seattle."

"I know."

Izzie and George jumped as on screen Addison dropped the filled wine goblets.

"_Addy, don't move," Derek warned, dropping the camera on it's side, so everything was on a diagonal, "You're in your bare feet."_

"_Ouch!"_

"_I told you not to move."_

"_I didn't."_

_Derek scooped her up and carried her away from the glass, setting her down on the bed, "Does it hurt?"_

_She nodded._

_He gently lifted her foot and examined the bottom, "You have a shard of glass imbedded in your foot. I told you not to move."_

"_Ugh," she sighed, collapsing onto her back, "Is it bleeding?"_

"_No."_

"_Are you lying?"_

_He didn't reply, just disappeared into the bathroom._

"_I hate blood."_

"_You're a doctor."_

"_That's other peoples blood."_

_Derek reemerged and sat on the end of the bed and pulled her foot on to his lap._

_She propped herself back up on her elbow, "What are you doing?"_

"_Getting the glass out."_

"_With tweezers?"_

_He glanced at her apologetically._

"_It's that deep?" She sat up even more._

"_Just hold still."_

_Addison inhaled sharply, "Okay... No! Wait!"_

"_Add, come on," he said gently, "I won't hurt you."_

_She looked at him a moment, "Hold my hand."_

"We shouldn't be watching this."

_Addison's grip tightened on Derek's hand and she buried her face against his forearm._

"_Hold still."_

_She winced, enough that the camera picked it up on the other side of the trailer. Derek untangled his arm from her grasp and moved it to run over her hair and down her back. His other hand firmly held a clean cloth on her foot to staunch the bleeding. He murmured something to her and she looked up and smiled, a few tears falling down her cheeks when she squinted her eyes._

_He checked her foot, "I think you'll live," he smiled leaning over and kissing her forehead then pressing his forehead against hers._

This time it was Izzie that pressed stop. Wordlessly she put in another tape.

"_...makes me nervous," Mark's voice floated out as Addison came into focus._

"_Why?"_

"_I don't know what you two do with this thing."_

_Addison smirked at the camera, a slow grin spreading across her face, "Naughty things."_

"_So do something naughty."_

_Addison smiled._

"_Come on," Mark teased, "Get naked."_

_Addison shook her head, grin still in place as the camera panned up her crossed legs._

"_A little striptease. For his birthday."_

"_He can get that in the flesh."_

"_My birthday?"_

"_Hey Sweetheart."_

_The camera followed Addison as she walked over and met her husband, focusing on her rear as she kissed her husband, "Hey birthday boy."_

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_Stealing you away for a quickie lunch."_

"_Blatant innuendo," Mark murmured to the camera._

"_I don't really have time..."_

"_You don't want to... eat."_

"_Another time, I promise," He kissed her lightly on the lips, caressing her cheek with his thumb._

"_I'll pick you up at 7," Addison sighed as he turned away, "Our reservation is at 8."_

_He turned slowly back around._

"_And you forgot."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Derek..."_

"_We'll go another night. I promise. We can go tomorrow."_

"_But it's Alejandro's Derek."_

"_Tomorrow," he promised again, kissing her again before leaving._

"_Alejandro's?" Mark questioned, camera trained on Derek's retreating figure before sliding back to Addison, "Don't you have to book that months in advance?"_

"_Three," she sighed, "Turn that off."_

Izzie took the tape out and sat back on her heels, "I feel..."

"Sad..."

"Yeah."

"And kinda..."

"Conflicted..."

"Yeah."

"So are we..."

"Watching another one?"

"Cause the next one might..." Izzie faltered.

"Prove that he is good enough for our friend."

"Right."

They glanced at each other.

"Last one."

_The screen was empty of people. There was a bed, but no people. No talking. No moving._

_Just breathing. Heavy laboured breathing._

_A hand entered the shot. A woman's hand. Addison's hand. A moment later it was joined by another hand. A mans hand. Derek's hand._

They weren't sure why neither was making a move to stop the tape. Maybe it was morbid curiosity, or maybe it was because neither had ever seen a moment that just radiated emotion like this one did.

_The hands moved slowly against each other. Sometimes the fingers would entangle lightly, other times they would just lightly caress each other, memorizing each other._

_They locked together tightly. Knuckles almost turning white. Fingers would stretch out momentarily, then clasp each other tightly again._

Izzie glanced back at George. He met her eye only for a moment then looked back at the TV leaning forward.

_The camera had been moved, now their faces where visible. Forehead to forehead, eyes closed, breathing deeply, glistening with sweat._

"_I love you," he murmured._

"_I know," she smiled, eyes still closed._

_He chuckled._

"_I love you too."_

"_I know," he kissed the tip of her nose, "But I love you more."_

Izzie and George jumped as the door closed. With barely a glance at each other they both frantically tried to stop the tape.

"What are you doing?" Meredith questioned, walking into the living room with Derek at her side.

"Nothing."

"Unpacking."

"Right unpacking."

"What are you watching?"

"Nothing."

"Just stuff."

"Surgeries."

"Boring ones."

Derek looked at them suspiciously, but they avoided his gaze.

"Lemme see."

"No!"

But she grabbed the remote.

George inwardly cursed his old-school VCR. It rewound to show the last 10 seconds of footage.

"_I love you too."_

"_I know. But I love you more."_

Meredith hit the pause button, freezing on Derek and Addison millimeters from a kiss. She stared at the screen a long time, seemingly studying it, "I'm going to bed."

Derek stared at the floor, not making eye contact with her as she passed by him. Wordlessly he retrieved the tape from the VCR and disappeared into the kitchen.

Izzie and George exchanged a glance. George walked over the desk and returned with a roll of tape. Silently Izzie re-taped the box and placed it exactly where it had been.

XXXX

At 3:17 am Meredith Grey sat at the top of her staircase watching the reflection of the TV bounce off the walls.

Down on the couch Derek took another gulp of scotch and hit rewind and play. Again.

"_I love you too."_

"_I know, But I love you more."_

XXXX

He awoke, freezing cold, to the sun shining brightly in his eyes. Derek groaned and sat up, swinging his legs out over the side of the couch. He had fallen asleep watching videos.

He ran his hand over his face and took in his surroundings. They were all gone. His home movies with Addison had been strewn all over the floor as he had searched through them looking for specific events that he remembered and moments that he recalled so vaguely that he had to watch them again to assure himself that they had really happened.

He stood up and looked around the room, searching for an explanation. He spotted his old surgical videos lined up on a nearby shelf; arranged chronologically by year and then alphabetically.

There was no sign of the rest of the tapes.

He entered the kitchen cautiously. Meredith was standing against the counter, a mug of tea in her hand, a box at her elbow. He didn't have to guess to know what it contained.

"Morning," he said slowly, almost as a question.

She took an unnecessarily long sip of her tea then placed the mug carefully in the sink, "Morning."

"I'm sorry," he apologized, to tired to ease his way into the apology.

She nodded briskly, "Okay," she turned away from him and placed a palm on the box, "It's Tuesday, don't forget the garbage," picking up the box she slung her purse over her shoulder and headed for the door.

"Meredith."

She turned back and looked at him, her expression unreadable.

"Your hair looks really nice today."

She stared at him a moment longer, "I'll see you at work."

XXXX

Addison exhaled loudly and stared out the large hospital windows over the water.

"Addison?"

She turned around, surprised to see Meredith standing a few feet away. She smiled as best she could, "Good morning Meredith."

"Morning," Meredith's smile was a fake as Addison's, "Derek and I were unpacking the last of his stuff last night and we found some of your things mixed in with his."

"Oh," Addison looked at her in surprise, reaching out and taking the box.

Meredith smiled again, "I'm so relieved to have all those boxes gone," she said with false sweetness, "Now we can really move on with _our_ life."

Addison returned the smile, "I'm _thrilled_ you're so happy."

Meredith smiled one last time and left, leaving Addison to peek inside the box.

Home movies.

Her brow furrowed in confusion. At the other end of the hall Derek stared at her quizzically before following Meredith in the opposite direction.

XXXX

Addison slammed the door and stared at the box of tapes now sitting in the backseat of her car.

"Are you going to watch them?"

Addison turned slowly to face Derek. Her patience was wearing thin. "You're stalking me."

He took a few steps closer, his hands buried in the pocket of his jacket.

"I've said 'no' Derek. I'm saying 'no'. I will _never_ say anything_ but 'no'_."

"I know why."

"Why _what?_'

"Why I want this."

"Why," Addison demanded, finally getting angry, "Why is it that after _all this time _you _finally _decide you want me?"

"Because things make sense."

"What _things?_"

"Everything."

She stared at him, her eyes flashing with anger and frustration, "That doesn't make _any sense, Derek_. Nothing you say lately makes sense."

"No," he protested, "It does. It does, just…" he paused, "When I'm around you I feel _more_," he explained, using 'more' almost as a name for what he felt.

"More," she repeated slowly.

"Ya," he backed away, "Just watch the tapes."

XXXX

Addison pushed some hair out of her face and pressed her head hard into the pillow. Geoffrey panted loudly in her ear, pressing wet kisses against her shoulder. Addison turned her head, kissing him hard just so he would stop.

He shifted his weight to one side and moved his mouth and hand to her breast, enthusiastically turning his attention there.

She glanced at the digital clock beside the bed. _12:37_. Twelve minutes since the first time she had checked. Eight minutes since the second time. Six minutes since the third and only 2 since the last time she glanced over.

She stared at the ceiling and tried again to speed the process along. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, rocking her hips a bit faster. Then she planted her feet firmly on the mattress and met his thrusts as hard as she could. Groaning in frustration she let her legs fall open as wide as they could get, digging her fingers into his flesh and pulling him into her as deep as he could go.

"Oh, Addy."

She stopped herself just short of rolling her eyes; it only figured that he would take her moans of annoyance as positive reinforcement.

She glanced at the clock. _12:42._ Seventeen minutes.

She swallowed hard and forced a low moan. She arched her back and whimpered in his ear. She bit down on her lip, unsure of how to proceed. "Geoffrey," she groaned in the breathiest voice she could muster. She buried her face against his neck, forcing her breathing to become faster and faster, more and more jagged.

"I love you," he gasped, sliding his arms under her to grip around her shoulders and across her back. He held her tightly thrusting harder and harder the louder and more laboured her breathing became.

Addison gasped and groaned with every movement, trying her hardest to sound as excited as possible. She had no idea if the noises that she was making where even remotely close to what she normally did, but he seemed to love it, so she wasn't going to stop.

A groan caught in her throat. She started to cough.

He pulled away, looking at her with concern.

"No," she cried pulling him back, "I'm so close," she lied. She counted to ten, then resumed her chorus of panting and groaning.

Taking a deep breath, she tensed every muscle in her body until she trembled, gasping breathlessly every few seconds. She clenched and released around him as fast and as hard as she could, rolling her head from side to side simply for effect.

"Ugh," he grunted in her ear, collapsing on top of her, breathing hard into her ear.

She resisted the urge to pat him on the back and congratulate him on finally achieving an orgasm, at least for himself. She pushed some damp hair out of her face; she had worked up a sweat from the exertion of faking it.

"That was fantastic," she said softly as he kissed her and rolled to his side.

"You were fantastic," he replied sleepily.

She glanced at the clock. _I2:44_.

She waited until she was sure that he was asleep and slipped out of bed. She threw on her robe and left the room without a backwards glance.

To say that she hated Derek Shepherd in that moment would have been an understatement. The box of tapes had been on her mind all day, driving her to distraction, and that distractions had pretty much ruined what should have been some pretty spectacular sex.

Those damn tapes. They had tons of them; they received the first video camera as an engagement gift and proceeded to tape everything of importance and a lot of things that weren't. She would be lying if she said she wasn't curious to know what Meredith was so desperate to get out of her house.

Her chest tightened as she watched Derek pick the glass out of her foot. She had been miserable, but he had made a bit of an effort to ensure that at least Christmas Day hadn't been horrible. He had bought her a couple gifts that she had loved and filled a stocking full of fun little presents for her, like they always did, even though she hadn't done the same for him.

She cried as she watched herself grinning and glowing as she told her family that Adrienne had just given birth to her first daughter, whom she had delivered. Derek had given her roses and an emerald pendant to celebrate. He always gave her birthstone jewelry when she delivered one of their nieces or nephews.

But eight tapes later, as she watched Derek tell her that he loved her more, her eyes were dry. She stared at the screen long after the tape ran out and started to rewind itself. Her fingers tapped anxiously against her leg. She ran her fingers through her hair and reached for the phone beside the couch. She covered her eyes with her hands, shaking her head from side as she listened to the phone ring.

"Hello?" his voice was groggy and full of sleep.

She glanced at the clock on the VCR, 3_:01. _She was acutely aware that he was probably in bed with Meredith at that moment.

"Hello?" he said again.

"Okay," she said softly.

He was silent a long moment, "Ya?"

"Ya."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm so confused. Well I am and I'm not. I may be slightly less confused then Addison and Derek. But only slightly.

'Cause I really do think that they love Meredith and Geoffrey.

I haven't really figured out what they feel for each other.

Review.

I insist.

Oh. Wait. In case you haven't noticed I change the title all the time, so 'author alert' is sometimes a better choice then relying on 'story alert'… actually both is the way to go. I try to warn people when I am ending one and planning on starting another but…

Ya…

Now you can review… 


	2. Warm Safe Place

This chapter is pretty much all Addek. They needed this chapter.

So you know how last time I suggested that you pee before starting to read. Well I'm taking it a step further and telling you to also make a snack and stockpile some water and remember to stretch every hour.

Also this chapter is a little less PG-13… and but a little I mean quite a bit. But it's not like pointless sexiness. It has a point. It all has a point.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Addison sat at the dinette and sighed. It was surprisingly easy. She told Geoff that she was tired and that she was turning her ringer off. Then she drove to the trailer. She twirled her linguini around her fork, "We need rules."

Derek put down his fork, "What kind of rules?"

"Well for one thing, nothing can happen at the hospital. Nothing. At all and I mean it. And for another, how can we both find the time to come here without people noticing?"

Derek nodded, "Meredith is on-call every 10th night. And she goes to therapy Tuesday mornings."

"So we have those nights. I can say I am just doing housework and going to bed. But I don't think that Tuesday mornings would work that well."

"If we are on-call the same nights we can fake-page each other."

"I guess it's less suspicious to take the same nights on rather then off."

"We can't spend the night here that often though."

"Only if Meredith is guaranteed gone all night. It complicates things, you living with her," Addison speared a pea, "Afternoons that we both have off we could do, we just can't switch our schedules to much."

"I'll get a gym membership. That will buy us a few hours a couple of times a week."

"I will too. To a different gym. Maybe I could join a book club."

A slow smile spread across Derek's face, "Or we make a book club. That could give us 4 or 5 hours together once a week. We might even have time to actually read a book."

Addison laughed lightly, "Would Meredith believe that you are joining a book club. I was married to you for 11 years and I think I saw you read 2 novels."

Derek smiled and pushed some food around his plate, "I don't think that Meredith will care, as long as I'm around."

"But you won't be, that's the point. You'll be here. With me."

"I'll be there enough so that she feels safe. I'll be there to keep her from…"

"Are you really worried about that Derek?" Addison interrupted, "Or is it just an excuse so you can have both of us?"

He looked at her in surprise, "Is that what you think?"

"Yes," Addison said simply.

Derek took a deep breath, "Meredith is doing great. She's more… self-aware. She's a lot stronger then she was, a lot more conscious of who she is and what she needs. But I'm worried that it won't last. That the first time that we fight or she has a disagreement with Cristina or even if she looses one to many patients, I'm worried that she will just break down and be worse then before."

Addison turned her head and stared out the window.

"God Addison," he threw down his fork, "Do you think I like this? Do you think I feel good about sneaking up here to be with you? I hate his. I feel… horrible. I hate what I'm doing to Meredith, I hate what I am doing to you, and I hate what you're doing to Geoff. _I hate all of this_."

"Then _why are we DOING THIS?"_

"_BECAUSE WE HAVE TOO!"_

Addison turned her attention back to the window, her jaw tense and set, "Is this how you felt when we were married. When you wanted Meredith and couldn't have her? Trapped, like you had no other choice."

"It's _different_," he insisted.

"No. It's not." Addison wrapped her arms around herself and refused to look at him.

"I feel _worse_ about it, okay," he spat, "I feel so much _worse_ about this then _anything_ that happened with Meredith. I have _more_ to feel _worse about_," he took a few deep breaths, "But I still feel sure about it."

She didn't reply, just picked up her fork and continued to eat her supper.

"Why are you here?" He asked finally, trying to fill the silence.

"I don't know," she replied honestly, "Because you asked I guess." She continued to stare at her plate, "I really am happy with him. I do love him. I really do. But," she pushed some food around, "I don't know. It's you."

Derek gently placed his fork on the edge of his plate.

Addison glanced at him then stood. She picked up both their plates and put them in the sink. She focused for a moment on filling the sink with water then adding soap before turning to face him again. "I can't do this. Can you? Can _we_ actually do this? Consciously have an affair? This isn't like how it was before with Mark and Meredith. This isn't the heat of the moment. We 've talked about this. We made rules. We discussed what nights and times we could safely be together. But can we actually go through with this?"

Derek stood and leaned against the corner of the table. He could easily reach out and touch her, but he didn't. "I think we already have."

Addison avoided his glance; instead she looked around the trailer. She had arrived before he had that afternoon. She brought groceries. She cleaned up a bit. Put new sheets on the bed and fresh towels in the bathroom, she'd gone shopping and bought them days ago. She plugged in the old coffee maker and aired out the whole trailer. Then she'd started dinner.

He had been there before work. He unlocked it and left her old key on the dinette table. He turned the heat on to get rid of the chill, made sure that the pipes hadn't frozen and turned the hot water, the electricity and the cable back on. He purposely left the phone unhooked. He reassembled the rocking love seat on the deck and put the fire pit a few feet away, a pile of freshly cut firewood beside it. Then he left to meet Meredith for coffee.

They made dinner together. He walked in the door, removed his jacket then stirred the pasta. He poured them each a glass of wine. She had smiled and continued chopping the vegetables. Neither of them said a word until they sat down to eat and she finally said that they needed rules.

But he was right. The affair had started sometime around when she asked him hypothetically how this would all work.

"8 hours," she said quietly, "No one else, 8 hours before or after. I don't want to be with you right after you have been with her. And..." she paused, still not looking at him, "Even if we just talk, don't go home and make love to her."

Derek nodded, "Then I have a request of my own," he reached forward and took hold of her fingers, "Don't tell yourself that it's just sex. It's not."

Addison stood motionless a moment, then nodded. She took a step forward, not smiling at him as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. He pulled her closer, simply holding her tightly.

Their hold on each other gradually softened. His hands rested on her hips, hers sliding across his back to rest on his neck, their kiss becoming slower and more sensual.

His thumbs brushed over her hipbones, pushing her carefully back against the counter; his hips holding her against him; her hands tracing familiarly down his chest until they reached the hem of his shirt. At the first touch of skin on skin a gnawing need for more sparked, hands sliding and gripping and tugging at fabric, demanding contact. Shirts hastily discarded, they locked eyes for an instant before reclaiming each other's lips; their fingers tracing over necks and cheeks, reveling in the familiar feel of one another's skin. Her lips moved with more urgency against his, her hips mimicking her desperation, as his fingers found clasp on her pants pushing them off her hips, his hands following them over her thighs.

Her fingers wrapped possessively around the nape of his neck, holding him close as his hands smoothed slowly over her body calming her feverish intensity and making her skin tingle and burn in anticipation. His palms stilled on the small of her back, fingertips still caressing lightly as he concentrated on kissing her for a moment. He pressed his palms flush against her skin pulling her against him, both of them reveling in the soft sensation of bare skin on bare skin, causing her to sigh gently into his kiss; her nails dragging lightly up and down his back and sides feeling his muscles tense and quiver under her touch.

She kicked away her pants and reached for the zipper on his, but he instantly pushed his hips harder against her, denying her fingers access and causing her to groan into his mouth as she felt him pressed against her. She tugged impatiently at the belt loops of his pants, but he ignored her protests, pulling his mouth away from hers and pressing his lips hard against her neck and shoulder, her breath hot and unsteady in his ear. He ran his hands teasingly over the fabric of her bra, pushing the straps off her shoulders and brushing his lips over her skin; her fingers dug into his sides for a moment but he made no movement to remove her bra completely. Instead his fingers dragged languidly over her breasts and stomach, linking with hers when he found them resting against her hips.

She paused.

He leaned away slightly, attempting to look her in the eye. She stared unseeingly at his chest, her index fingers hooked around the waistband of her panties, but she was frozen in place.

She was hesitating.

He rested his hands on her shoulders, kissing her forehead chastely. He backed away and sat down at the table staring at his hands, "Go home Addison."

"What?" she questioned breathlessly.

"Go home," he sighed, "We didn't do anything, it's not to late. Just… go."

She took a step towards him.

He shook his head, "Don't. It's ok."

She pressed her palm against his cheek, forcing him to look up at her. She kissed him lightly, twice, "Thank you." She reached past him and picked up her still full wine glass and downed it in one long drink, "But I don't want to leave."

She kissed him again, not letting it deepen, simply sucking lightly on his lips and teasing them with her own. She carefully knelt above him on the narrow bench, pressing against him so that his chest rubbed against her stomach. He looked up at her, searching her face a moment as he pushed her hair out of the way. A soft contented moan vibrated through her throat as his fingers passed over her cheek, and his lips pressed gently against that exact spot on her neck before drifting to the hallow at the base and down her breastbone. She entwined her fingers in his hair, gently pulling then massaging his scalp, her hands unable to reach much past his shoulders; his arms tightened around her back as he nipped along the tops of her breasts until she released the clasp of her bra and let him lick, suck and tease as he liked. Her hands moved smoothly to his shoulders and neck, her nails breaking his skin as she arched her back against his mouth, demanding more.

His arm wrapped tightly around her waist, holding her steady as his fingers followed her hand down her side, their fingers tangled together in the fabric of her panties as they both tried one handed to push them off her hips. Derek abandoned the clumsy endeavor the moment they were inched far enough down her thighs for him to slide his hand between her legs, his fingers immediately finding her clit. Addison gripped at his shoulder as her legs instantly buckled; his arm tightening at her waist preventing her from moving away. She was helplessly trapped against him, at the mercy of his mouth and fingers.

Not ready to give absolutely into the pleasure just yet, she pushed his arm away from her waist and linking her fingers with his, stood. He followed her closely, letting her arms wrap loosely around his neck as she pecked at his lips, her arms then dropping to rest around his waist as she peppered tiny sensual kisses against his chest and shoulders. He murmured his approval at her actions; following the slow gentle pace she was setting, he ran his hand slowly over every part of her bare skin feeling it warm to his touch. His other hand lost in her hair, his fingers intertwining with the strands as he inhaled the familiar scent of her skin; loosing himself in the raw sensuality of the moment.

Addison swallowed hard and inhaled deeply. In the pit of her stomach she hated herself for wanting this, wanting him, so much. But no one could make love to her like he could.

She buried her face against his shoulder for a moment, feeling his heartbeat thumping against her cheek, a wistful smile crossing her lips. She looped her fingers through his belt loops and gave a sharp tug, grinning at him slyly, "Why am I always the first one naked?"

He grinned back, his hair disheveled and his face and chest flushed but relaxed, "Because it suits you." He was so happy, and he hated it. He hated that his stomach turned to ice in the moments when he thought she might leave. The sadness. He hated that he still needed her like this.

She tugged at his belt loops again, pulling him in for a kiss, instantly deepening it so all his focus was on her mouth and not on her fingers, which were little by little undoing his pants, easing them off his hips, down his thighs to pool around his ankles. She dragged her hands up his legs and pressed her entire body against his, his responding moan vibrating against her lips and through her whole body. Her body pulsed with a well-known heat as his familiar contours pressed against her harder; his fingers floating up and down her back, making her quiver and forcing her to fight the urge to let him take her up against the counter.

He groaned as she pulled away, every inch of him protesting the absence of her skin on his. She smiled at him, her eyes dark with need, as she took the few steps to the bed; the magnetic force between them drawing him along right behind her. His arms reached out for her, snaking around her and pulling her back against his body. He heard her gasped and call out in surprise, but immediately surrendering she melted into him, reaching up to hold his head as his lips affixed to her neck and his hands caressed the front of her body. His stomach clenched as she moaned loudly in his ear; her hand covered his urging his fingers between her legs, then stopping herself and pulling back. She turned abruptly in his arms and kissed him hard.

"I need you," she breathed heavily, her knee already resting on the bed, "_Now_."

Grasping his hips she pulled him towards her, letting him wrap his arm around her and lower her onto her back as she kissed him again. He let her pull his full weight on top of her, marveling at her ability to wrap herself around him so absolutely; her hips fit perfectly against him, her legs hugged him just right, her arms wrapped around his back in a way that made him feel strong and manly and safe and secure all at the same time. They kissed slowly, adjusting their bodies against each other and relaxing against the mattress.

He pecked at her lips, lingering each time, then pulled away gently, "Watch."

Her eyes followed him trustingly as he moved off of her resting all his weight on one arm and his knees. His hand drifted down her body, directing her attention; obediently she spread her legs a bit wider and tilted her hips to him, aligning them perfectly.

She fought the urge to close her eyes at the moment he entered her, biting her lip against the arousal of watching and feeling him inside of her, but not holding back the moan that vibrated from deep in her chest. Derek's brow furrowed in intense concentration as he steadily slid, slowly, slowly, inside of her, then just as slowly pulling back. She watched him through already glassy eyes, trying to catch his eye as he watched her twist and writhe beneath him. She grasped his forearm tugging him towards her, murmuring his name desperately, but only saying it once.

He slid his arms underneath her, holding her body against his, feeling the entire length of her body rub against his with every long slow thrust. His arms tensed and he rested his forehead on her shoulder, forcing himself to concentrating on pumping into her smoothly and rhythmically and not with the abandon that he felt coursing through his body.

"When did you learn this kind of control," she demanded breathlessly. After only a few minutes her body was already tensing as he steadily increased the power behind his movements.

He chuckled shakily, his face still against her neck. He groaned as he felt her whole body arch against him and shudder, crying out. He forced himself to slow down, focusing his attention on the skin just below her ear, kissing and sucking at it.

She breathed deeply gripping his shoulders. Neither of them were lasting very long, the distance that they had forced between themselves since their divorce, it seemed, was catching up with them. She slid her hands down his back, damp from the heat of their bodies.

"That was fast," he whispered against her lips.

"You're not doing that much better." Gripping his sides just below his hips she urged him to move faster, tilting her hips to increase the sensations.

Their hips moved needily against each other, indulging in each other as they completely experienced each torturously sensual movement. It seemed like mere moments before they were both panting and trembling against each other, the force of Addison's second orgasm lifting her back and hips far off the mattress with a strangled cry, and forcing Derek to give in to his own. Release and satisfaction immediately washed over each of them.

They lay wrapped in each other, devoid of strength; Bodies, it seemed, throbbing and pulsing for far longer then it took them to reach that level of excitement. Reluctantly Derek pulled away from the arms that gently massaged his back. He rolled to her side and glanced at her. She stared at the ceiling, her mouth forming the 'O' that meant she was deep in thought.

She rolled over onto her stomach facing away from him, her arms tucked protectively under her. Derek watched her, allowing her the time she needed to collect her thoughts.

Finally, 10 minutes later, she turned her head and looked at him, her eyes wide.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded, "How do you feel?" she whispered, her hand tucked under her chin.

"I don't know," he admitted, "How do you feel?"

She was silent, "Confused." He sat up and she followed his movements with her eyes.

"I don't regret it."

"I don't either," she confessed, "That's why I'm confused."

He watched her reflection in the window. She was watching him as he sat on the edge of the bed with his back to her.

"I promised myself that I'd never do this again."

"Spend the night in the trailer?" he joked, trying to lighten the mood as he picked up a blanket off the floor.

"No," she rolled to her side and lifted her arm to let him tuck the blanket around her, "Cheat on someone I love."

He didn't know how to respond to this, "Can you stay the night?"

"Ya," she assured him, "I'm staying." She rolled on to her back and turned out the lights, "I don't know how to do this Derek," she said into the darkness, "And I don't know if its so wrong that it's never going to seem right; or so right that it will never seem wrong."

"We can figure it out tomorrow," he promised, trying to pick out her features in the grey shadows as he slipped under the blanket with her, "And it's not wrong, it's just morally questionable."

She rolled her eyes then closed them, tucking her hand back under her chin.

Seconds later his lips lightly pressed against her cheek, gently kissing her before moving down to her lips. She responded immediately her fingers gently touching his jaw and running through his hair. He tugged at the blanket draping it over her shoulders before pulling her against his chest and cuddling her close. "I said that too," he whispered.

"What?" She stretched agilely along his side, like a cat, then curled back into Derek's arms

"That I would never cheat on someone I loved again," He tightened his arm around her shoulders and traced the line of her jaw with his fingers.

She seemed on the verge on responding, but then yawned instead, "We should have rules about cuddling," she whispered sleepily.

He moved his fingers up to her cheek bone and closed his eyes, "We can discuss it tomorrow," he yawned, "I'll wake you up at 6."

She groaned, "I don't have to work until noon."

He smiled and pulled her closer, "We'll think of something to do."

The last thing he heard before falling asleep was her laugh.

XXXX

Derek awoke to the strange sensation of being watched.

"Stop staring at me," he grumbled and rolled onto his side. He could feel her hair under his cheek from where it fanned out over the pillow.

"Are you awake?"

"No," he shut his eyes tighter and tried to go back to sleep. Finally he dragged them open. He was right, she was staring at him.

"Are you awake now?"

"Yes," he took in her features, her eyes were wide and searching his face, "Are you okay?"

"Ya."

"You sure?"

She nodded.

"You didn't sleep at all did you?"

"Not really."

He stretched sleepily, "I should have gotten you drunk first."

"Derek," she slapped him on the arm, but chuckled.

"You're right, you snore when you're drunk. And you suck in bed."

She glared at him playfully, "I'm not talking to you," she proclaimed, rolling over away from him.

Derek smiled at her back and relaxed comfortably into the bed. Picking up the wrist that rested against her waist he gently massaged her pulse until her breathing deepened she started drifting off to sleep. He pulled up the comforter, wondering when Addison had gone through the effort of actually getting the duvet from the closet and covering them with it. He glanced over at her, probably around the time she found that shirt she was wearing.

A cell phone rang at the other end of the trailer.

"I hope that's yours," Addison sighed, already sitting up.

"My ring tone isn't that girly." He watched her walk down the center of the trailer tugging in vain at the loose wife-beater that barely reached her hips, leaving her naked from the waist down. Derek chuckled as she hunted for her phone; no matter how hard she tugged that shirt wasn't going to cover anything.

"I hate that my Caller ID doesn't work up here" she proclaimed, sitting at the table and crossing her legs, "Hello?" She rolled her eyes and stood up, "Richard, it's not even 7." She crawled back into bed and pulled the blankets up over her legs, "Yes. You are interrupting. Goodbye."

Derek pulled up the hem of her shirt and kissed her side, running his hand across her stomach he gripped her hip and held her close.

She swatted his hand away, "Richard," she almost whined into the phone, "I'll be in by noon." She groaned in exasperation and Derek began pressing kisses around her navel, sliding further down the bed. She placed her hand on the back of his head, politely requesting that he not go any further while she was on the phone, "I'll be there at 8. Okay?" Derek continued to kiss her stomach, her fingers running through his hair. "I realize that I only live 10 minutes from the hospital, but I'm suppose to have the morning off and I'm _busy for at least the next 45 minutes._" Addison sighed and flipped her phone closed.

Derek rolled onto his side and rested his cheek against her thigh, "You have to go in?"

Addison nodded and dropped her head back against the pillow, "Which isn't going to work because I said I'd be there in an hour, and we are 45 minutes away. And I _really_ need to shower.

"Oh," Derek lifted his head and ran his fingers up the underside of her thigh, "I wanted to talk to you about something." He continued to tease the skin of her thigh, "I want to discuss another rule.

She raised her eyebrow. "Quit that," She pulled her leg out of the way

Derek seized the opportunity and moved closer, now resting against her far thigh he rolled onto his back, rearranged her other leg so it draped across his torso and clasped his hands around her knee, "Okay. Comfortable?"

She laughed and ran her fingers though his hair.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he exclaimed, "I'm going to need you to laugh more.

"Laugh more." She repeated.

"So I know you're happy."

She chuckled and dropped her head back against the pillows.

"I'm serious. You need to laugh and joke and flirt and smile and be happy."

"Flirt."

"Yes. I want you to flirt with me. And giggle," He gave her a mischievous grin.

She shook with laughter, "Why?"

"I don't know. I like you like that. What is it that my grandmother used to call you? Frisky?"

Addison wheezed slightly as she convulsed with laughter, "_Feisty_!" she exclaimed, "Frisky was her _cat_."

Derek shrugged, "I like you feisty," he paused thoughtfully, "And frisky."

"I like you frisky and feisty too," she teased.

"Deal?" he held out a hand.

She reached out and shook it, "Deal."

"Great," Derek moved her leg away, rolled over onto his stomach and wrapped his arms around her hips.

"What are you doing?" Addison asked lazily, perfectly aware of what he was doing and already shifting her weight getting comfortable.

Derek grinned and nuzzled the inside of her thigh, "Something that makes you frisky and feisty. And happy and smiley."

XXXX

Derek leaned against the bathroom sink, his toothbrush hanging loosely from the corner of his mouth. He had never before realized what a great view into the shower this exact spot in the trailer had. He watched Addison rinse the last of the shampoo from her hair and make a last pass over her body before shutting off the water. She stepped out of the shower and reached for her towel, glancing at him as she wrapped it around her.

A smile tugged at her lips as she look in his current state, standing in just his boxers watching her, "You liked that?" she teased moving into the bedroom and digging through her bag for something to wear.

Derek turned away and focused his attention back to his pursuits of oral hygiene. Occasionally, he glanced at her in the mirror, but she wasn't showing him anything. He jumped when he felt her hand on his back. He moved to the side and let her run her own toothbrush under the water.

She stood close to him and watched him through her lashes.

He leaned away slightly and looked her up and down; she had only put on her bra and panties and a pair of black stilettos. He could have sworn she was trying not to grin as she continued to brush her teeth.

She leaned past him and spit out the toothpaste in her mouth, then placed her toothbrush on the counter without bothering to rinse it off. She stood in front of him a moment, maintaining eye contact, the pads of her fingers resting on his hipbones.

He watched her with intrigue, "What are you…"

She just raised an eyebrow and gave him a sultry grin as she sank down to her knees.

Derek stared at her in amazement for a moment before his eyes rolled back in his head and he stared up at the ceiling, swallowing hard at the toothpaste in his mouth, not even noticing the burn as it ran down his throat. He was a lost cause since the moment he spotted her in the shower. She moaned long and low, vibrating all around him. Derek groaned loudly and she did it again.

He resisted the urge to grab the back of her head and urge her faster, her instincts with this were often better then his; instead he threaded his fingers through her hair and twisted a damp strand loosely through his fingers. His head was swimming; she was using her nails to trace patterns on the back of his knees. He gripped the sink hard with one hand, his knuckles turning white as he forced himself to remain standing.

He dragged his eyes open. He stared unseeingly for a moment, then allowed his eyes to focus on the heels of her black stilettos. A sudden image flooded his vision, Addison on her knees, her legs too long for the cramped bathroom forcing her feet to rest in the hall. He pictured the view from the kitchen. Her stiletto-ed feet and perfect calves peeking out from the bathroom, the sounds of her pleasuring his bouncing off the walls.

Derek groaned loudly, gripping Addison's shoulder with one hand as gratification coursed though him.

He breathed deeply and shakily, watching her sink back on her heels, then stand, wiping the corner of her mouth daintily with a cheeky smile before continuing to brush her teeth.

Derek tossed his toothbrush down on the counter in defeat, "You know a little of that every time we brushed our teeth might have saved our marriage."

She gave him an amused smile, checked her teeth and patted his chest, "Then I guess there really was no saving it."

Derek narrowed his eyes slightly, still leaning heavily on the counter.

She smiled, laughing a bit, "You asked for frisky and feisty."

"Not when I'm seeing my girlfriend in less then an hour."

"Mmm," Addison considered this, kissing his collarbone then drifting up his neck again, "Then you should shower. You smell like me." She kissed him slowly, longing to linger there, "Luckily for you, I used all the hot water."

XXXX

Her cell phone started to ring the second she pulled on to the main road leading away from the trailer.

She held the phone in her hand a moment, not really wanting to talk to anyone, but thinking that it might be Derek calling to say she had forgotten something.

"Hello?"

"I missed you last night."

"Geoffrey," she sighed.

"How was your night without me?"

"Good," her face didn't betray any emotion, in even in the privacy of her car, "Just what I needed."

"Good. But tonight you are mine."

"All yours," she agreed.

"Are you busy now? We could go out for breakfast."

"Actually, I'm in the car in my way to the hospital. Richard wants to talk to me."

Geoffrey was silent, "I hate when you talk as you drive."

"Sorry," she smiled slightly at the concern in his voice.

"I'll let you go then. Be careful."

"I will."

"I love you."

She hesitated, "Love you too."

She snapped her phone shut and slowed to a stop as she approached a red light.

Her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, "UGH," she exclaimed in frustration as she rested her forehead against the wheel.

What was she thinking?

XXXX

"Where is Richard?" Addison demanded looking around his office in annoyance, her mood fowl.

"He's in a conference until noon," Patricia replied, "You're late."

"I got held up," Addison snapped.

"Well I'll tell him to come find you when he gets out."

"I'm not even suppose to be here,' Addison spat, turning on her heel and marching down the hall, muttering to herself on the evils of bosses and their intrusion on personal lives and the few hours that she gets off without being called in and abandoned.

She tossed her jacket over the back of a chair and collapsed heavily in it. She rested her arms on the table, her chin on her arms and pouted, her brow furrowing. She glared at the nurses trying to work around her; she did not appreciate their annoyed looks.

Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Derek about to enter a patients room. She felt his eyes on her for a moment, and then he casually started walking towards her, smiling.

She looked away, but immediately felt her cheeks begin to colour.

"Good Morning," he greeted her, his smile growing.

"Good…" her voice caught in her throat, "Good morning."

She looked at him and couldn't help but grin and had to quickly look away. Her smile now refused to disappear.

They continued to sneak looks at each other, hearts beating wildly with the knowledge of the secret they were keeping.

"How was your meeting with Richard?" he asked finally.

"I missed it, "Addison replied with a sly smirk, "I was caught up in other things this morning."

Derek cleared his throat, his cheeks flushing, Addison laughing merrily.

"Shepherd!" Richard stepped around the corner. Surgical gowns and gloves already in hand, "Blunt force trauma to the head, choppering-in in 10."

"Richard!" Addison called after him, but he had disappeared already. She shrugged and leaned back in her seat, meeting Derek's eye and making a bit of a show out of crossing her legs.

He grinned and leaned across the counter, "If this case is surgical you should come watch."

"Ya?" she raised an eyebrow, "You looking to show off?"

"Only if it makes you frisky and feisty."

"You know it does."

XXXX

He liked having her at his surgeries. It was the one thing between them that had never change. They had grown and changed and drifted, but their respect for each other as doctors had only strengthened. It was probably why they lasted so long. It's easy to forgive the long hours and distractions when you see the talent and the passion behind it.

He glanced up at the gallery. Her eyes were intense as they watched him, full of pride and desire.

He suspected that they had started something destructive. In fact he was sure of it. There was no way this could end without someone getting hurt. More then likely everyone would be destroyed by it.

But surprisingly he didn't feel guilty. Not anymore. Remorsefully, yes. But in the pit of his stomach it seemed inevitable that he and Addison would end up like this.

He looked to her again.

He had these moments. Sometimes just a second or two where he caught a glimpse of how they used to be. He craved those moments, rare as they were. He knew she had them too, knew that that was why she avoided him when she could. It was too painful for her to experience.

He gazed up at her again, this time holding her eye.

It was selfish of him making her live what she was trying to avoid so that he would feel content. He felt guilty that he was taking advantage of her weakness.

But he was a selfish man.

And he wanted her.

He winked at her, his eyes smiling up at her.

"Derek," Meredith leaned over in concern, "Is there something in your eye?"

Derek blinked quickly, "Ya. But it's gone now. Thank you."

XXXX

"Heron?" Addison raised and eyebrow, "The psycho doc…"

Richard gave her a look.

"…Who is always _so_ happy and enthusiastic," she smiled, nothing could ruin her good mood.

"She's doing a stint in Zimbabwe with _Doctors Without borders_," Richard explained, reaching for a pile of papers, "She sent these for you to take a look at."

Addison glanced at the top page, ultrasound images that were grainy at best, "Twins," she stated matter-of-factly.

Richard nodded, wordlessly telling her to look again, "Conjoined twins, Addison." His eyes sparkled, "Conjoined twins."

XXXX

Derek spun pensively in his chair. He was starting to hear rumours and they were making him anxious.

He had to talk to Addison.

He tapped his pager rapidly on the desk and stared at the clock on the wall trying to decide how best to approach her. His tapping slowed as an idea gradually formed.

XXXX

Two floors up and in another wing Addison glanced down at her pager and frowned. _233673_.

"Problem?" Bailey asked, holding an X-Ray up to the light.

"Wrong number," Addison replied.

A minute later her pager sounded again, _233673_, and a moment later again, _233673_.

"Persistent," Bailey mused.

"Mmm," Addison agreed, positive that it was Derek trying to contact her, "Will you excuse me? I could use a coffee."

She wandered down to the ICU section where Derek spent most of his time. She had no idea what she would say if someone asked why she was there. He must have heard her heels as she approached because he was watching for her as she rounded the corner. She gave him a covert look of confusion and followed him as he walked down an empty hall and ducked into a small alcove containing a broken vending machine and a payphone.

He looked at her expectantly.

"You heard?" She questioned softly.

"It's true?"

She nodded, "I should only be gone a few weeks at the most."

Derek stared down at his feet.

"Hey," she teased, "I'm the one being banished from civilization. I could be eaten by a lion."

Derek chuckled.

"I'll bring you back a safari hat," she promised.

"You're coming back thought right?"

"You think I'd stay in Zimbabwe?"

"Coming back to me."

Addison tilted her head slightly and looked at him through her lashes, "I said I didn't regret it Derek. Being apart for 2 weeks is not going to change that."

He smiled, pleased with her response. He touched her elbow and pushed her towards the corner out of sight, and leaned out the door to see if anyone was close by. "I'm probably not going to get you alone again before you leave," he explained in a whisper, resting his hands on her hips and leaning in to kiss her.

She rested her hands on his chest a moment, then gave in completely and looped her arms around his neck and let the weight of his body push her gently against the wall. Finally she sighed and pushed him away, "We have rules about stuff like this happening in the hospital," she reminded him.

"Ya," he sighed, taking a step away, "Can I at least buy you lunch?"

"I don't pass up free food," Addison grinned, stepping out into the hallway ahead of him, "What was that page suppose to mean, by the way."

He grinned, "You have two weeks in Zimbabwe to figure it out."

XXXXXXXXXX

So here is the deal. I just wrote you 18 pages. 18. I'm asking for a few lines in return. A paragraph maybe. Or several paragraphs.

I write.

You respond.

Give and Take.

REVIEW.


	3. Sweet Talk and Good Lies

Okay. So I'm just going to apologize right now. My spell check only seems to be working when and where it wants too. That or keeping up with me is just too much work for it. So I've done my best.

Alright. We are still in the land of Addek and rainbows. Kinda. Addison, as you know, is Zimbabwe bound… so they aren't really in the same land… It's confusing.

But. If you have ever read anything by me before, I like to lead people into a false sense of security. You know… you think you know where things are going, birds are singing, children are laughing and then a plane crashes into a playground.

That's just how I role.

But this chapter is still working on that false sense of security.

Enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXX

_E-mail_

_September 9__th_

_2:09am (Zimbabwe time)_

_Montgomery, Addison to Shepherd, Derek_

_I'm staying in a tent. A TENT. I miss the trailer. I would KILL to get that trailer here right now. I share a canvas 'wall' with SYDNEY HERON. Seriously. I can hear everything she does, and she hums ALL THE TIME. It's 2am and she is humming. I don't even WANT to know what she's doing._

_On the bright side I had an overnight layover in London. I went shopping and bought a sexy little safari dress. It's a little on the small side, but that just means that my breasts look fantastic and I won't be wearing a bra. I'm going to try to find something tiny and leopard print to wear with it._

_-Addison_

XXXX

"What?" Callie murmured grumpily, pulling her blankets up to cover most of her face.

"I just need somewhere to crash for a couple hours," Mark eased himself into bed beside her.

"No."

"Aw come on," Mark's eye's were already closed, "This is the best breakfast spot in the city."

Callie groaned and rolled over, she wrinkled her nose and rolled away again, "You smell like sex."

Mark scoffed a reply.

"Go shower," Callie tugged hard at the blankets leaving Mark out in the cold.

"Callie…" he whined, trying to grab them back.

"No," Callie wrapped the blankets around her body, "Shower."

Mark swore and climbed out of Callie's bed and headed for her shower. This was inconvienent and he was tired.

On the other hand, Izzie had really good muffins.

And on Monday's she made French toast.

XXXX

_September 11__th_

_12:52pm(Zimbabwe time)_

_Voicemail_

_Addison Montgomery to D.Geoffrey Vice_

_Hey. I just realized that it's 4am there. Math is clearly not my thing. Anyway I just wanted to say hi. I picked up some presents for the girls so if you want something tell me soon. Or maybe I'll just buy myself some little kacki shorts and some binoculars and just let you look at me in them. Oh! Oh my god. I saw a lion cub today! It was so cute. It looked just like the one in that movie of Daisy's with the pig and that weird hamster thing. You know… whatever, you know what I'm talking about. I wanted to bring it home, but they seem to have rules about that sort of thing. Plus there is that whole cat allergy thing. But I took pictures and I'll e-mail them as soon as I find a computer with a stable internet connection. We have to prioritize our e-mails and those pictures are probably going to be to much for the connection to handle. But mostly I just called to say I miss you and I love you and I can't wait to get home. I know it's only been 2 days since I saw you but I didn't realize how much I missed you until I heard your voice telling me to leave a message. How pathetic is that?It must be the jetlag. So…okay. I should go. I love you. Bye._

XXXX

"You know," Mark said pensively, stabbing a piece of melon with his fork and looking around at the others at the breakfast table; Meredith, Derek, George, Izzie and Callie. "If Derek and Izzie hook up, then everyone in this room will have slept with two other people in the room."

Everyone chuckled, then looked at each other slowly, thinking that through. All eyes rested on Izzie who was blushing prufusely.

"Wait," Callie said, staring at Mark and shaking her head in disbelief, "You've been having sex with Izzie then coming upstairs and spending the rest of the night crashing with me? _What_ is wrong with you?"

Mark slung his arm around Izzie's shoulder, causing her to blush more, "I told you Cal, I love Izzie's muffins."

XXXX

_E-mail_

_Shepherd, Derek to Montgomery, Addison._

_Tuesday, September 13__th__. 8:02am (Seattle Time)_

_Subject: Gossip_

_Mark is sleeping with Izzie._

_-Derek_

_E-mail_

_Montgomery, Addison to Shepherd, Derek_

_Tuesday, September 13__th__. 5:05pm (Zimabwe time)_

_Subject: re:Gossip_

_Ew. Poor Izzie._

_-Addison_

XXXX

Derek dug through the laundry hamper swearing in annoyance. He could hear his cell ringing in there, he just couldn't find it.

"Hello? Hello?" he spat, pressing it to his ear and hoping that whoever it was had not hung up.

"Hello. Would Dr. Shepherd be there?"

Derek's brow furrowed, he didn't recognize the voice, "This is Dr. Shepherd."

There was a pause on the other end of the line, "Oh. Um. Actually I'm looking for your wife. Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd. Is she available?"

"Who is this?" he asked suspisiously.

"Sarah Giller. I'm with Donor Relations at Colombia. We wanted to talk…"

"About her scholairship, right," Derek shook his head, as he always did, at the mention of the Scholairship in her name, "Addison is actually in Africa right now. But she'll be back on next Monday. Umm…" Derek thought a moment, "As far as I know we are planning on contributing the same as we have the last few years," he chuckled, "Although she might be feeling particularly generous this year, I don't know."

Sarah laughed, "Well why don't I call back in a few weeks when she is back in the country and has had a chance to catch her breath. Say, the 3rd of next month?"

"Sure." Derek nodded to himself, he was pretty sure they had that night together, "Mention her coinjoined twins, she might give you an extra fifty."

"Conjoined twins? Wow. I'll keep that in mind," Sarah chuckled, "Thanks for your help Dr.Shepherd."

"No problem, I'll tell her you called," he paused, "Actually, I'll go down to the bank tomorrow and make arrangements to have my half sent in. That way you just have to sweet talk her."

"Well, okay. Thank you so much," Sarah thanked him profusely, "You have no idea how many students your scholairship helps."

Derek laughed, "It's her scholarship, I just roped into it."

"Thank you again. I'll call tomorrow to make sure that everything is going smoothly."

"Okay Sarah. Thank you. Bye-Bye." Derek hungup and tossed the phone on the bed.

"Why did you do that?"

Derek looked at Meredith quizzically, "What?"

"Tell them to call back. Why didn't you just tell them you aren't together anymore and give them her number?"

Derek was floored, "I don't know. I guess… I had to talk to them anyway so… I just didn't think of it."

Meredith nodded, "You give to a Scholairship?"

"Ya. It's kind of a Scholairship Grant thing," Derek explained awkwardly, "Sometimes some of the money goes towards funding research and stuff. People apply for it and are choosen on a case by case bases. Anything major Addison oversees but… mostly we just give them money every year. It's named after her so…"

Meredith looked surprised, "Addison has a Scholarship named after her? How much do you give them?"

Now Derek looked surprised, he and Meredith had never discused money before, "Usually around two hundred and fifty."

"Thousand?

Derek nodded.

"Together?"

"Each."

Meredith was silently a moment, "I almost went to Colombia. Imagine if I had gotten one of her scholairships… Huh. That's funny."

XXXX

_Phone call_

_September 17__th_

_3:02am (Zimbabwe time)_

_September 16th_

_6:02pm (Seattle time)_

_Addison Montgomery to Derek Shepherd_

"_Hey."_

"_Hi…"_

"_You can say that it's me. We're going to be working on this together anyway. Cranial deformities. Just throw in some shop talk and maybe no one will notice that it's the middle of the night here."_

"_So, how's Zimbabwe?" _

"_It's to hot to sleep. Which is why I called you."_

"_Really…"_

"_Mm hmm. I've been lying here for hours just so… hot. I finally couldn't take it anymore. I was wearing this little white lace camisole and a pair of tiny little lacy panties and I was so unbearably hot that I finally had to take them off."_

"_Addison… Hold on, I'm going to go to the medical library and see if I can find you something to help with that. Hold ON."_

"_And the walls are so thin… I don't know what Sydney must think of me. Tossing and turning, sighing and moaning… because of the heat. Do you know what I finally did Derek? I found this tiny little cloth, just a scrap of materiel really, and I dipped it in the coldest water I could find and I just started running it all over my body. Up my arms, across my stomach and over my breasts, then all the way down my legs. It felt so good… But I still can't sleep."_

"_You're trying to kill me aren't you."_

"_No. I'm just trying to make you as hot as I am."_

"_How long did you practice that in your head before calling me?"_

"_20 minutes, give or take. Did you like it?"_

"_When are you coming home?"_

"_The 21__st__… oh, I forgot a part. I meant to say that I was pretending it was you touching me and I had this whole thing about your breath on my skin and the breeze… it was so good to."_

"_Addison…"_

"_Four more days Derek. Remember that. It's only four more days."_

XXXX

Derek let the back door slam behind him, his way of protesting taking out the garbage. He didn't really mind, He actually liked the normality and domesticity that came with the chore. It made him feel secure. That he was needed and he was helpful.

He let the lid slam shut, another protestation, and briefly considered taking the bin out to the street now, rather then remembering to do it in the morning.

"Hey there stranger."

Derek looked up, completely taken aback by what he was seeing.

Addison walked towards him slowly, her hips swaying seductively.

"I sent you an e-mail," he said, hoping his voice didn't sound as hoarse as it felt.

"I know," she smiled, "I thought I'd reply in person. Do you like my safari dress?"

He grinned, grabbing her hand he pulled her to him, kissing her hard and pushing her against the closest solid thing, someone's car.

"People…" she breathed, "…can…see…"

He groaned and reluctantly pulled away, then grabbed her again, pulling her to the side of the house and lifting her against it.

She half-laughed, half-moaned, wrapping her legs around his waist. They were as close as their clothing would let them get.

His hand was sliding up her thigh, pushing her skirt up towards her hips, when her phone rang.

She groaned, reaching for her purse and fishing for her phone, still pressed between Derek and the house and with no intention of going anywhere. "Hello?"

"Hey. Where are you? I'm looking at your car parked in front of the house, and no you."

"Callie," Addison sighed, motioning for Derek to put her down, "I'm in the driveway. I was just saying hello to Derek, I'll be right there. Or do you want to go out somewhere? My hair looks spectacular and I don't really want to waste it on you. Okay. Okay. Meet you at my car? Okay." She clicked her phone closed and kissed Derek one last time, "By the way, don't make plans for Wednesday night," she whispered.

XXXX

Derek took off his watch and placed it carefully on the nightstand beside the book that he was reading. A fringe benefit of his new relationship with Addison was that he was now reading more, Meredith might notice if he joined a book club but never cracked a book, and he found himself enjoying the books that he was reading.

His cell rang and he flipped it open casually, "Shepherd."

"Derek."

Derek's chest constricted, "Hey," he lowered her voice.

"Can you talk?"

Her voice was low, jetleg was probably catching up with her. Derek glanced towards the open bathroom door where Meredith was occupied brushing out her hair and whitening her teeth. "I have a few mintues."

Silence filled the lines.

"It's late Addison," he said finally.

She sighed, "I know. I just didn't feel like going home yet. Do you want to meet me for a drink?"

Derek glanced uneasily at Meredith, "I want to, I do," he closed his eyes, "But I can't. Meredith…"

"Meredith," she repeated, "Does she have any idea?"

Derek smiled, "None at all."

They lapsed into silence again.

"I'm glad you called Addy."

"Ya?"

He could tell she was pleased, "Ya. Your voice on the phone… I've always loved the way it sounds. So sexy." He fell silent as Meredith started to walk towards the bedroom, pausing to pick up some towels, "I have to go. Mererith is just in the other room."

"Derek?"

His stomach clenched again as she spoke his name, "Ya?"

"If I page you, will you meet me?"

Derek looked up as Meredith entered the bedroom.

"Who are you talking to?"

"No one," Derek snapped his phone shut, "Checking my voicemail."

Meredith nodded, slipping into bed beside him, "Goodnight," she pressed her lips lightly against his and smoothing her hand over his chest. He wrapped his hand around hers, holding it stationary against his chest while she kissed him goodnight.

Within seconds the kiss intensified on it's own accord and they turned on their side facing each other so their hands could trace each others bodies. Derek moaned softly, one hand trapped between her breast and the bed, the other freely roaming over, down and around her legs feeling the warmth of her skin through the thin cotton of her pajama's. Her hands slipped under the hem of his t-shirt, rubbing her palms across his stomch then around to his back as she pressed herself against him.

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

They held each other close for a moment before Derek rolled over onto his back and reached for his pager.

_5233673_

He quickly hide his smile, she had figured out the code. "Sorry Mer," he kissed her one last time and slid out of bed, "I'll back in an hour. Maybe two."

XXXX

The lights were on in the trailer when he pulled up, he could see her standing in the kitchen searching for something in the cupboards, turning her head slightly when she heard his car door slam.

He took the steps on the desk two at a time, but coming to an abrupt stop when he reached the door. There was a pair of beige lacey leopard print panties tucked around the handle. Derek groaned with lust and tore open the door, crossing the room to her in three long strides.

His hands gripped her hips tightly, turning her to face him and pushing her up onto the counter in one surprisingly smooth motion, not even jarring her enough to spill her full glass of wine.

"Where were we?" he said quickly, already kissing her.

Addison tried, halfheartedly, to pull away as she tried to find a place for her wine glass; she had better things to be doing with her hands. She tightened her thighs around his hips and pulled him towards her, "About here..."

Derek emitted a growl like groan from the back of his throat, his hands dropping to her legs and dragging them up to her hips pulling her skirt up with them. His fingers dug into her flesh pulling her even closer, and she groaned wantonly into his mouth, finding it impossible to stop kissing him.

Her fingers barely grazed the buckle of his belt before he took over and fumbled with it frenziedly, his urgency leaving him very uncoordinated. By the time he was unbuckled, unzipped and unclothed from the waist down she had managed to undo 5 of the large buttons on the front of her dress and even the 12 impossibly tiny buttons lining the front of his shirt. Her hips, fingers, lips, everything was pulsing rhythmically and impatiently against his skin.

She forced herself away from his lips, tightening her legs even more against his hips and side, arching her hips towards him, refusing to wait any longer. He pressed into her ravenously, neither of them able to breath without moaning for those few seconds.

He held her hips and thighs tightly in his hands, driving their bodies together vigorously. She cried out with each thrust, gripping the counter until her knuckles turned white, and finally bracing her leg against the nearby table and meeting his force with a power of her own.

He slid a hand underneath her, holding her steady, and pushed his other hand through her hair, searching for the collar of her 'safari' dress. Finding it, he tugged at it firmly, dragging it down her back until the sleeves caught at her elbows, then pushing their chest together so he could feel her breasts bouncing frantically against him.

She fell silently as she hit her climax, her whole body becoming tensing and rigid and completely out of her control. He tried to take that control, draw out her orgasm and give her some relief, but he was to close. He drove into her harder and faster, not letting her come down until he had achieved his own release.

"Sorry," he panted, stroking her hair as she shuddered hard and buried her face in his shoulder.

She was silent for almost a minute, then she laughed shakily, "Okay, for the record, you never _ever_ have to apologize for that." She uncurled her fingers from the counter and examined her palms.

He unwrapped his arms from around her and held her hands in his. Deep ridges cut across her palms. He kissed them carefully, then tilted her chin up and kissed her lips. She was still trembling slightly and he laughed, "Are you okay."

She rolled her eyes and pushed him away from her, easing herself carefully to the floor, "I'm fine. I think I just need a to relax a minute before heading home." She stretched slightly, easing her dress back up over her shoulders and forcing her legs to carry her to the bed where she stretched out with a content sigh.

Moments later she felt the bed dip in front of her and arms encircling her to rub her back and stroke her hair.

She tugged at the ends of his shirt and pulled him closer; inhaling the scent of him deep inside her, "Don't let me fall asleep."

XXXX

There were birds chirping.

That was going to be a problem.

Addison lay there another 10 minutes, she wasn't awake enough to actually wake up. She cracked an eye open, groaned and closed it again.

"Derek," she murmured hoarsely, "Derek, it's morning."

"Hrmm?"

"We have to get up," Addison tried to lift her head off the bed but only succeeded in having her hair fall into her face, "Ugh," she moaned.

Derek dragged open his eye's and focused on the ceiling. "It's morning."

"I know."

He glanced over at her. She was lying on her stomach, dress wildly disarrayed, "Add..." he sighed, "We screwed up."

"I don't want to talk about it," she groaned. She lifted her hand and pushed her hair out of her face, "We'll deal with it."

He reached out his hand and she did the same, their fingertips barely met, "We have to get up."

"Ugh," she groaned and buried her head back in the bed, "Jetleg."

"I mean it," he rolled over towards her, "Otherwise we are going to be late for work on top of having stayed out all night."

She rolled over onto her back and smiled sweetly. She leaned up and smiled slightly when he willingly leaned down to meet her, "If we are going to get caught we might as well make it worth it."

XXXX

"We have rounds in about 32 minutes."

"I have 15 missed calls," Addison took another gulp of her coffee and flipped her phone closed.

"You're in trouble," he teased as he tucked in his shirt.

"No more then you," she shrugged, digging through her bag for her wrap-around sweater that would hopefully camoflage her dress until she changed into scrubs for the day, something she never did. "We need to be smarter about this," she told him, tightening the knot in her sweater and slinging her purse over her shoulder as she prepared to leave.

"I know. Good luck," he whispered leaning in to kiss her.

She kissed him back hesitantly, then a little less hesitantly, until she felt things getting slightly out of hand. She gave him one last quick peck then turned to the door, "We are _so_ stupid," she sighed as she slammed the door, "So stupid."

XXXX

"Where have you been?" Meredith demanded wrapping her arms around his neck, "You never came back."

"I'm sorry," he gave her a soft kiss on the cheek, noting that she seemed shaky "I fell asleep in the medical library, then I went down the street to get some us some breakfast before rounds," really he had stopped to get food for himself and Addison, knowing she wouldn't have taken time to ingest anything but coffee to battle her jetleg.

"But I didn't see your car in the parking lot," she said accepting her cran-pecan muffin, not a flavor she really liked.

Derek took a sip of his coffee, "I just got it washed, it's in the parking garage."

Meredith smiled, she knew she had nothing to worry about.

XXXX

"Where were you last night," Callie stood next to Addison at the surgical board.

"Your house. Then the bar. I left when you started booty calling a waiter named Hugo who you proposisioned several times. Once with something that's illegal in 13 states."

"Geoff called me at 4am looking for you," Callie turned to her, "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Addison continued to stare straight ahead.

"Addison..."

"Callie..." Addison turned to her, "I went home to bed. The jetleg hit me pretty hard."

"He said he called your house and yout cell repeatedly."

"Well, I was planning on spending the night at Geoff's so the house phone is still set to go directly to voicemail," Addison spoke slowly as she rumaged through her purse seaching for her cell, "And my cell was set to vibrate," she continued easily, holding up her cell and showing Callie the vibrate option which she had selected in antisipation of this conversation, "I'll call Geoff and apologize now. I hate that I made him worry."

"Fine," Callie sighed, "I'm sorry if it sounded like I was accusing you of something."

Addison smiled, "I suppose I deserve it," she narrowed her eyes, a small smile still visable, "But you do it again, I'll take you down."

"Oh ya," Callie squared her shoulders.

"My money can bury you places where you'll never be found."

"I think you're forgetting who you're talking to rich girl. My trust fund makes your trust fund look like penny's."

"Ooooo. Right," Addison was silent a moment, "We should go shopping."

XXXX

"My my you are a hard woman to track down."

Addison turned and had the good grace to look guilty, "I'm so sorry." She rested her hands on Geoffrey's chest then slide them up to rest around his neck.

"We had such a good time when you got back yesterday," he said softly, kissing her gently. "I was hoping we could continue that."

"Mmm," she sighed, "You wore me out. I went back to my place, after I saw Callie, to get a change of clothes and fell dead asleep."

"Well, now you are all rested up and I haven't seen you in almost 24 hours…" he glanced around them. They were alone, but still standing in the middle of a hospital hallway, "Where are all those oncall rooms I hear so much about."

She laughed, "I don't know where you heard these stories, but they weren't about me," she kissed him, "Not in this hospital anyway."

"Addsion!"

Addison groaned at the sound of her name and turned around, "Richard."

"The twins," he began excitedly.

"Are arriving next week," she smiled at his enthusiasm, leaning slightly against Geoffrey's side.

"Put together whatever team you need. Bring in outside personel. Just keep them in this hospital.

"I just need Mark, Derek and Bailey."

"That's it?"

"The shared tissue and organs is a lot less complex then we antisipated, Bailey can handle it. There is quiet a bit of facial and cranial deformities though. Derek and Mark have their work cut out for them."

"So we are looking at a high seccess rate?"

"You hired the best."

Richard barely contained himself, "I don't pay you enough," he grinned, kissing her on the cheek.

"Well I wanted to talk to you about that," She grinned as Richards face fell, "I'm kidding. As long as I continue to make more then both Derek and Mark, I don't care what you pay me."

"You're my star," he told her. He nodded to Geoffrey, "Geoff," he said, holding out his hand, "Nice to see you again."

"Same to you Dr. Webber."

"Richard." He smiled, "I'd like to take you and Addison out to dinner sometime."

"Sounds great."

Richard nodded again, "I'll set something up with Addy for sometime next week provided she's not to busy." He shook Goeffreys hand again and left.

"He likes you," Addison smiled.

Geoffrey smiled, "I need to go, I have a patient at 11:30," he took her hand so she could walk with him towards the elevators, "I was thinking about Christmas."

"It's September."

"I know. I was thinking about taking the girls to Disneyland."

Addison smiled, "Well, it is the happiest place on earth."

Geoffrey grinned back, "Exactly. But then with you and this big case I have a feeling that I'm not going to be seeing you much. So I thought we could send a quiet Christmas just us and the girls, provided you can arrange to get a week or so off when the girls have their break in March…"

"You want me to come…"

Geoffrey looked at her in surprise, "Of course…"

"Oh…"

They looked at each other curiously for a moment.

"I just thought that it was a family vacation and…"

"Well it is…"

"But we really haven't been together that long…"

"By March we will have been."

"Geoffrey…"

"It will be over a year by then. We could actually be celebrating our aniversary."

Addison bit down on her lip, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Think about it," he told her, kissing her goodbye, then kissing the hand that he still held in his, "And you are spending the night at my place. No arguments," he winked backing on to the elevator.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

XXXXXXXXXX

It amazes me how well they are lying about this. It's like breathing for them. Personally if I was telling lies of this magnitude I would be stuttering and blushing… there is a reason why I am an honest person. That and I can get away with it cause of my sarcasm that makes everyone think I'm kidding. Word to the wise, I'm not.

Review and I'll spend my long weekend bending to your will… (…Kayli, I think that line was for you… go nuts)

REVIEW. THOSE ARE THE RULES. I write. You Review.

… please.


	4. Black Magic Woman

I don't know how exactly to explain my feelings towards this chapter. I… like it… but…

No I can't explain it. Maybe my thesaurus will help… I'll compile a list of words that to me discribe this chapter:

Endearing, enlightening, contemplative, revealing, perplexing, aggravating, fluffy, nauseating, humorous, overbearing, overblown (the definition that says 'past full bloom and ready to die), overdone, overly dramatic, overindulgent…

I'm getting to into the over- words.

Oh. One more. Over-analyzed.

What a lead in eh.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We are going to be so late."

"Shhhhh. No we aren't," Meredith smiled tenderly, her eyes closed.

Derek carefully kissed the tips of her fingers, relaxing against the pillows lost in the sensation of her rocking smoothly above him. His breath caught in his throat as she suddenly switched to quickly rotating her hip around him, before beginning to pump up and down furiously.

He reached up, trailing the palm of his hand and his fingers down her breastbone until he reached her navel, then grasped her hips, "Meredith…"

"Touch me," she breathed.

He slid his hands up to her waist, knowing what she really wanted but wanting to prolong their lovemaking.

"No," Meredith grabbed on of his hands and guided it between her legs, "_Touch_ me. We don't have much time."

"You said…"

"I lied."

They both increased their pace, muscles beginning to tense and spasm. Meredith's mouth gently gaped open; her head tilted back so far the ends of her long hair grazed Derek's thighs. He groaned at this sensation, thrusting himself up into her. She bit her lip to stop herself from crying out, gripping his arms as her orgasm coursed gently through her body. Moments later he followed her, his body immediately feeling calm and satisfied.

"Mmmm," Meredith sighed, sliding off him and laying at his side, wrapping his arm around her, "Much better then getting up early and going to the gym, don't you think?"

"Much better," he agreed, pressing light kisses a long her hairline.

"Let's hit the shower," she teased, practically springing from the bed and sauntering unabashedly naked in to the bathroom.

"You shower," Derek rolled on to his side, hugging a pillow, "I'll sleep."

"Fine. Don't forget to bring your costume for the party."

Derek groaned.

"It'll be fun. Halloween is fun," Meredith assured him, "And my costume is unbelievably sexy."

Derek cracked an eye open.

Meredith laughed at him, grabbing a towel and hanging it on the hook by the shower, "What's your costume?"

"Fred Astaire," he grumbled.

"What?"

"Fred Astaire," he repeated more clearly.

Meredith stared at him a moment and laughed again, "You are such an old man."

XXXX

Addison squinted at her chart. Her reading glasses were in her locker, and these pages had annoyingly small print. She glanced around quickly to insure she was alone, then held the papers at arms length until the words came in to focus. She scanned the page quickly.

"Boo!"

Addison jumped, her heart rate immediately accelerating, "Derek! You scared me!"

Derek chuckled, moving around the counter to stand across from her.

Addison sat, her hand on her chest, waiting for her heart to start beating normally.

"So," Derek spoke to fill the silence, "Halloween party tonight."

"And a major surgery tomorrow," Addison threw down the pen that she had been holding in her hand, "I cannot _believe_ that people are planning on going to Joe's Halloween party the night before separating _conjoined twins_."

"We had conjoined twins at this hospital a year ago," Derek grinned, "Face it Addy, your twins are old news."

"You had _adults_," Addison shot back, "These are _babies_. People love babies. Babies are cute and little and smell good."

"What babies have you been around lately? Babies are ugly and wrinkled and scream…"

Addison's lips barely betrayed a smiled, "Don't you mock me _Doctor_ Shepherd," she said slowly, an edge of seduction in her voice. Her phone rang, but she held his gaze with her own as she reached into her lab coat and flipped open her phone, "Dr. Montgomery. Yes, this is Addis-… what? She… what? And you called… what do you mean he's not available? I'm not available… I have surgery…" there was a long pause, and Addison sighed heavily, "Of course. Yes. I'm leaving right now. Can I talk to her?"

Derek watched as her demeanor and tone became softer.

"Sweetie? I know," she soothed, " I'm going to come get you right now. Sweetie don't cry, I'm on my way. Okay? Daisy… baby, you're going to come to work with me okay? You don't have to go to Mrs. Austen's. Yes, I will find you a steth-a-ma-scope. Okay? Okay. Be good. I'll be right there. Bye-Bye." Addison groaned and stood up, "Daisy has head lice."

Less then an hour later Addison was gripping Daisy's hand tightly and walking as briskly as she could up the hospital corridor. Her pager had been going off steadily for the last 10 minutes, but she had to deal with Daisy first before she could answer them.

"Could someone track down Dr. Torres for me?" Addison requested as she led Daisy into the linen closet. "Okay. It's Halloween so we need a Halloween costume for you," she invented, digging through a shelf of pediatric gowns. "How about you be a nurse?" she asked, holding up a pair of pale pink drawstring pants and a loose top covered in kittens.

Daisy shook her head, "I want to be a doctor like you."

"But you could be a scrub nurse," Addison held up a plastic cap that they used to cover patients hair during surgery, "They help the doctors in surgery."

"Doctor. Like you." Daisy said firmly.

Addison sighed; she wanted that cap on Daisy's head. She knew nothing about kids and lice but the cap seemed like a good start. "Okay," she found a pink top to match the bottoms and held it all up with the cap still in her hand, "This is just like what I wear."

Daisy just blinked.

"Well, mine are blue. But I used to wear pink. I liked the pink."

"No."

"Daisy."

"_No!_"

"Addison?" Mark stuck his head in the door, all decked out for surgery, "Cal said to tell you she's on her way to surgery. I'm supposed to ask if I can help, but I can't. So I'm not." He noticed Daisy staring up at him, "Who's that?"

"Geoff's youngest Daisy. Daisy, that's my friend Mark. Mark, I have a c-section in 35 minutes, what am I suppose to do with her?"

"Take her with you."

"Mark! I can't take a 6 year old with head lice into surgery with me."

"I wanna go with you," Daisy spoke softly.

"She wants to go with you Addison." Mark teased.

Addison glared at him.

Daisy turned to look at Addison accusingly, "He's not wearing a stupid hat."

Addison stared at her a moment, then looked back up at Mark, "Get out."

Mark chuckled.

Addison put her hands on her hips. Daisy did the same. Addison chuckled and smiled in spite of herself. Holding out her hand, she spoke "Lets go see if we can find you a non-stupid hat and someone to play with for a little while."

XXXX

Derek was confused.

He was standing at a photocopier, scanning pictures for his ex-wife/mistresses-boyfriends-6 year old daughter to colour.

"Are you finding anything?" he asked Daisy.

She continued to dig through the drawer picking out pens, highlighters, markers, stickers, whatever she could find, "Uhuh."

He led her across the hall to a conference room and lifted her up into on if the chairs. "There you go."

Daisy rearranged herself so she was kneeling on the chair. She stared at the pictures, "What is it?"

Derek winced, "A brain."

Daisy nodded and studied it carefully, "What colours is it?"

"Kinda grey-ish pink."

Daisy stared up at him in confusion, "No…"

Derek chuckled, "It is. I promise."

"How do you know?"

"It's my job to fix them."

Daisy considered this, "My daddy fixes people too. And Addy fixes babies."

"I know. Addy is very good at fixing babies."

Daisy nodded. "I don't think my brain is grey."

"Why not?"

"That's ugly. My brain is pretty," she gazed at him earnestly, "Are you _sure _that brains are grey?"

"All the ones I've seen are," he apologized, "But they are mostly pink. Pink is pretty."

"How many brains have you fixed?"

"Lots."

"And they were all grey?"

"Yes."

Daisy rested her chin on her palm, "Maybe they are grey because they are sick brains."

"Maybe," Derek chuckled.

"Do you fix kids brains?"

"Sometimes."

"Are they grey too?"

"Always."

"Are they still grey after you fix them? Or do they get prettier."

"Still grey. But they are really mostly pink. They are just grey underneath the pink."

"Do people ever ask you what colour their brains are? 'Cause you shouldn't tell them they're grey. It might make them sad."

"Well, usually when I am looking at peoples brains they are asleep."

"Ooooooo," Daisy nodded, "That's why they're grey. Awake brains are prettier."

Derek laughed, "Ya. Maybe that's why. Actually," He reached for the book that he had been photocopying from and found some MRI images, "Look, these are pictures of awake brains when people are looking at happy pictures."

"I _told you _brains weren't grey," Daisy picked up a red pen and started to colour her picture like the MRI scan, "I hope you never have to fix _my_ brain."

Derek smiled, "I hope so to."

They passed a half an hour in comfortable silence.

"Can we go trick-or-treating?"

Derek looked up from his medical journal in surprise.

"Addy said that some kids can't go outside to trick-or-treat so they do it in the hospital. Can we go?"

"When you are done your picture we can go down and see what the kids are up to."

Daisy pushed away her picture, "I'm done."

"Okay," Derek stood up, "Lets go."

Daisy followed him out the door, straightening her 'scrubs' and cap in a way that reminded Derek very much of Addison.

"Do you know Mark?" Daisy asked, walking fast trying to keep up with him.

"Yes. I know Mark," Derek stowed down considerably, matching his steps to hers.

"Is he Addy's boyfriend?"

"_No,"_ Derek exclaimed.

"Are you Addy's boyfriend?"

Derek paused and picked her up, unable to have this conversation and walk slowly, "Your Daddy is Addy's boyfriend," he explained.

"No," Daisy contradicted, "My sister, Ali, she has a boyfriend, and my Daddy said that a boyfriend is just a friend that's a boy, and he said that's different then him and Addy cause he loves her a whole lot."

"Well," Derek said softly, "There are different kinds of boyfriends."

"But Addy said you are her friend, and you're a boy."

"It's a little different with grown ups."

"Oh."

"But Addy is my friend. My best friend."

"Oooooh," Daisy grasped at the concept she understood, "She's my best friend too."

"You like Addy?"

Daisy nodded fiercely, "My Daddy said that if he marries Addy then Addy will be my Stepmommy. And that's just like a real Mommy but different 'cause I already have a mommy, I just don't see her. But Daddy said that I don't have to call her 'Stepmommy' cause those are scary, like in Cinderella, he said I could just call her Addy, or Mommy if Addy said it was okay."

"Hey," Derek set her down gently and pointed down the hallway, "It looks like they _are_ trick-or-treating."

XXXX

"Nervous?" Addison asked softly.

"No. Not at all. I trust you."

Addison rested her palm on the head of one of the twin boys, "Starting tomorrow you'll need both arms to hold them when you read to them," she smiled confidently, "And I'll need name tags to know which one is Bahari and which one is Banji."

"Me too."

Addison sat down beside her, "Where is your husband Elisabeth?"

Elisabeth smiled, "It's his first time experiencing English life. He likes your fast food and your music halls."

Addison smiled, "You'll be alright here on your own?"

She nodded, "I have 5 children at home. It's nice to have time to sit and be alone. Read to my babies."

Addison laughed, "You are going to run out of books," she looked around at the stacks of books Elisabeth had accumulated in the last 2 months.

Elisabeth chuckled, "We don't have many books, and no time to read them. This book," she held up the novel in her lap, "Sterne. I read it school in England, I still don't understand it. But I love it."

Addison smiled, she understood, "Take whatever you can get, when and where you can get it."

XXXX

"Hey, Sleepyhead."

Derek struggled into wakefulness, forcing his eyes open. Addison knelt a few feet away from him, rubbing Daisy's back trying to coax her awake.

"Hey," Derek greeted her groggily.

"Hey," Addison grinned at him, "You wore each other out."

"To much sugar. She was wild for awhile, but then…"

Addison nodded, "Geoffrey's waiting," she explained needlessly, lifting Daisy up into her arms and letting her nuzzle in close against her neck. She whispered something to her and kissed her nose, all the awhile rubbing her back gently. She winked at Derek; "I'll see you later. I owe you."

Derek nodded, still to drowsy to really talk. He watched her leave the room, his eyes following her as she crossed the pedway and met Geoffrey in the middle. Derek watched as she carefully transferred Daisy into Geoffrey's arms, rubbing the little girls cheek lightly as they stood there talking.

They seemed so happy. Derek felt that he was intruding on an intimate family moment.

He turned away before he saw her kiss them goodbye.

XXXX

Meredith sauntered down the hall holding her tail in her hand and twirling it around leisurely. "What are you suppose to be?"

Alex glanced up at her, "Cristina dared me to be the Count from Sesame Street. Anytime you want her to move back in, just say the word."

"Well, without the costume," Meredith paused, "You kinda look like Mark,"

"I hate that guy," Alex considered it, "But it's not a bad costume idea. Maybe if I count things it will still count and Cristina will give me the money."

Cristina walked around the corner.

"One!" Alex intoned in a deep Transylvanian accent, "One slutty intern."

"Doesn't count," Cristina said automatically.

Alex shrugged, "Still fun."

Izzie appeared from the other direction.

"Two! Two slutty interns."

"Hey!" Izzie exclaimed.

"I'm counting the interns Mark has slept with," Alex shushed her. "One! One reckless resident," he continued as Callie came around the corner with Addison, "With one! One easy attending."

"What are you doing," Addison demanded, not angry, but not overly impressed.

"Counting."

"He's counting women Sloan has slept with," Cristina filled in.

"Oh ya," Addison raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a cheeky smile, "And how many of those same women have you slept with?"

He narrowed his eyes, taking her challenge, "Aren't those boots a little to high and those shorts a little to short for a woman of your age."

Addison glanced down at her 60's Go-Go dancer outfit complete with thigh-high white boots, "Listen _kid, _I seem to remember you liking women "my age" in a lot less then this. And you had it too, but you chose to sleep with Cristina," Addison shook her head sadly, trying unsuccessfully to hide her grin, "Who also slept with Mark."

"This is why people call you Satan."

"Not people. Just my husband-at-the-time."

"Oh. Damn it," Meredith exclaimed, "I forgot he used to call you that," she dropped her pitchfork on the counter, "My costume is ruined."

Everyone turned to look at her. Meredith was wearing a skintight red leotard with tiny red horns sticking up from her perfectly curled hair, now a shiny chestnut colour.

"At least you know McDreamy will like it," Cristina said dryly.

"I like it," Addison said finally, "It's ironic."

"I do like irony," Meredith sighed, then smiled, "And Joe's doesn't have exam rooms so how ironic can it get."

The group was silent for a moment.

"Can we joke about that yet?" Izzie asked finally, and very uneasily.

"Hey," Callie exclaimed, "Is that my gypsy costume? It is isn't it? From the carnival. I was going to wear that. Now I'm stuck being Wonder Woman."

"I needed it," Izzie retorted, not feeling guilty in the least, "I'm Esmeralda and George is Quasimodo."

Callie stared, then grinned, "My ex-husband is going to this party dressed as the Hunchback of Notre Dame? Seriously? _Seriously_?" She turned to Addison, "Just when you think there is no god."

"Why is everyone still here?" Mark strode into the middle of the gathering, "Party. Joe's. Drinking. Inappropriate hook-ups. Gossip for the nurses…" He caught Addison's eye, "Unless you are operating on Addison's twins tomorrow, then no fun for you."

"Nice costume Mark. This is what? The 8th year for Zorro?"

"Well if my eye's don't deceive me. It's Nancy Sinatra. Again."

"I'm a Go-Go Dancer."

"No. No. Those boots are made for walking. You are Nancy Sinatra."

"Go-Go Dancer."

"Wait," Callie interrupted, "You already owned those boots? They were in your closet? You've had occasion to wear them before?"

"Seattle is not the only city with costume parties," Addison spoke defensively, "And Cristina isn't even wearing a costume."

"Yes she is," Alex grinned, "It was my idea. She's a nurse..."

"I'm an endangered species," Cristina cut in, "I'm a nurse, that hasn't slept with Mark."

XXXX

"Scotch?" Meredith held out a glass to Derek.

"Thank," Derek flashed his McDreamy smile and earned himself a kiss.

"Glad you came?"

Derek took a sip and nodded, "I had to come. Every guy in this bar is oogling you."

"What guys?" she asked innocently.

"Funny."

She laughed looped her fingers through his belt loops, "We should sneak out early and do something devilish."

"Let me finish my drink first," he teased, resting his arms around her waist and making no move to drink his scotch.

"Oh," she hit him lightly on the chest, "Have you seen the Chief? He let Mark pick his costume."

"That was stupid."

"He's a pimp. He has a pink fedora, a white fur coat and purple metallic pants. It's like Shaft meets Rainbow Bright."

Derek chuckled, "Have you seen Bailey?"

"No."

"Well apparently Tucker was going to come as Willy Wonka and she was one of his workers. Whatever they are called…"

"Oompa-Loompa? No…"

"Oh yes. But then Tucker had to work at the last minute so she is just a very angry resident with orange face paint and green hair."

Meredith grinned and kissed him hard on the lips, "I'm going to find George. He has a camera."

XXXX

"Bar Wench," Mark slid up to Izzie at the bar, "Get me some ale."

"I'm not a Bar Wench," She smiled at him indulgently, "I'm Esmeralda."

He stared at her blankly.

"From The Hunchback of Notre Dame? Have you ever read anything without a centerfold?"

"Hey. Those are clients."

Izzie rolled her eyes; "In any case Addison would kill me if I got you a drink."

"To bad Callie isn't under the same restrictions," Mark shook his head as Callie screamed with laughter, "I'm going to go rescue her."

"Keep an eye on Derek, he's looking a little tipsy too," she called after him.

Nearby Addison looked up at the mention of Derek's name. He was leaning against a pillar sipping a drink and watching the room through blurry eyes.

She crossed the room, "Boo," she breathed softly into his ear.

"Addy," he said, his voice sounding clearer then she expected. He wasn't drunk in the least.

She took advantage of the crowd and the noise and stood a little closer then she normally would, "I'm on my own tonight. All night. So later…" she suggested, wetting her lips.

He nodded.

"Good. And…" she leaned towards him, careful not to touch him in anyway, "You should meet me in the men's room in about 5 minutes." She turned away, then turned back abruptly, "By the way, I love that costume. Frank Sinatra?"

"Fred Astaire."

She gave him a sexy shrug and walked away.

"Addison. There you are," Sydney Heron stepped into her path, "Big day tomorrow."

"It certainly is," Addison agreed trying to step around her.

"I love Halloween. Don't you? I love Halloween."

"Love it."

"I love your costume. What are you? No let me guess. Nancy Sinatra."

Addison forced a laugh, "No. Just a Go-Go dancer."

"Well you look just like Nancy Sinatra. Oh!" she exclaimed, "I saw your ex-husband dressed as Frank Sinatra. How's that for a coincidence huh? I should get a picture."

"You know Sydney, I think he's actually suppose to be Fred Astaire."

"Really? He looks just like Frank."

"Well, don't tell him that. He probably worked hard on that costume. But I like yours. A witch. Very scary."

"I'm the Wicked Witch of the West," Sydney laughed, "Guess that would make me your sister huh?"

"Ha-ha," Addison laughed, "I have to go to the bathroom."

"Okay," Sydney replied as Addison breezed past her, "We'll talk later then. 'Kay? Bye."

Addison rolled her eyes and zigzagged through the crowd, saying hello to friends and explaining why she was there alone when Geoffrey was usually affixed at her side at these types of things. She slipped into the men's room, hopefully unnoticed, but with a ready excuse that the line in the ladies room was long. But she didn't need it. Derek was leaning against the sink, still nursing his drink.

"Addison," he said firmly, setting his drinking on the counter, "We need to ta–"

She pressed her lips firmly against his, uninterested in what he was going to say. He resisted for only a moment, the kiss quickly becoming passionate and violent. She pressed her body flush against him, and pulled him with her into the closest stall. Their hands and fingers grasped each others face and necks zealously, both aware that this was not going any further then kissing, but both intent on getting as much gratification from the kiss as possible.

They were startled out of their kiss as the door to the men's room flew open, hitting the wall with a loud bang, followed immediately by the loud thud and rattle of a back hitting the door of the stall they currently occupied. They were to stunned to react, standing there, still wrapped up in each other staring at the, thankfully locked, door that was the only barrier between them and the couple now making use of the counter.

There was a loud squeal and the sound of something metallic hitting the ground. Addison watched as something rolled under the door. A bracelet. She swore under her breath. _Callie_. She mouthed to Derek.

He groaned silently, wiping the lipstick from his mouth.

There was some stumbling and crashing and more giggling as Callie and her 'friend' tripped their away into another stall, followed by the sliding of the lock, punctuated by an appreciative sounding male grunt.

"It's Mark," Addison murmured without thinking.

Derek shot her a look, telling her to be quiet and that he wasn't impressed that she was intimately familiar with this particular noise.

All movement on the other side of the wall stopped. They had heard her.

There was frantic rustling on the other side of the wall, Callie asking who was there and one of them fumbling with the lock, which luckily, was stuck.

"_Damnit_," Addison hissed, ripping the door open and swiftly escaping from the room, Derek several paces behind her. She heard Mark say Derek's name, but she was certain she hadn't been seen.

She wove her way through the crowd putting as much distance between her and the men's room as possible; she assumed that Derek was doing the same. On the one hand Mark and Callie probably assumed that it was Meredith in there with Derek, not her. But all it would take was an innocent remark to Meredith about 'that awkward thing that happened in the men's room at the Halloween Party' and they were in big trouble.

"Hey," Izzie greeted her, "Have you seen Mark?"

Addison opened her mouth to say 'no', then reconsidered. This could potentially solve her problem. But Callie was her best friend. And Izzie didn't deserve to be hurt like that, like Mark had hurt her. "I saw him heading towards the men's room a minute ago," she raised her eyebrow suggestively.

Izzie grinned, "Okay. Thanks."

Addison watched Izzie walk towards the men's room and push the door open slowly. She turned her back as the inevitable yelling and arguing began.

XXXX

Derek stared into the showerhead, the water beating down on his face.

He felt stressed.

And it all came back to Addison. It was always Addison.

Everything.

Addison.

The shower door opened, the cold air hitting his back at the precise moments that a set of arms slid around his waist and a warm body pressed up against him.

"I really need this right now," she sighed kissing his shoulder then leaned her cheek against that spot, squeezing him tightly.

He turned to face her, "We should end this."

She stepped back in surprise, "What?"

"It's been two months. How much longer can we expect to pull this off?"

Her eyes filled with astonishment and pain; throwing open the door to the shower, she left him standing there. Grabbing and throwing on the first article of clothing she saw, a white t-shirt that Derek had been wearing under his dress shirt, she sat down hard on the edge of the bed burying her face in her hands.

"Addison…" he followed her, wrapping a towel around his waist, "We almost got caught tonight…"

"I'm aware of that Derek. I sold out my _best friend_ so that we might stand a chance of _not_ getting caught. I _sent_ Izzie Steevens into that men's room so she would catch Mark and Callie. I _screwed over and humiliated my best friend and now you are telling me that I did it for nothing?_"

Derek sat down on the edge of the bed beside her, "You did that? Addison, that's not like you."

"Not _like_ me?" Addison was now unmistakably upset, "None of this is _like_ me. This isn't like _us_ Derek. We are not these people. All this sneaking around and lying. We aren't those people..._"_

"I know. I just thought…"

"Don't _think_ for me Derek. I am perfectly capable of _thinking_ for myself. You," she pointed a finger at him, "This was _your_ idea Derek. You forced me into this _arrangement_; you _don't_ just get to end it on a whim. You do not get to do this to me again"

Derek's chest tightened a bit she spoke, "But you don't need this Addison. You have Geoffrey and those girls. They adore you…"

She looked at him suddenly, the tears in her eyes betraying her vulnerability, but bright with understanding, "You're breaking up with me because of Daisy? Please tell me you aren't leaving me over a 6 year old."

"No," he stared at his hands, "But that's what you want isn't it? The guy and the kids... that life. I don't want this to stop you from having that. You love them. That's what you want."

"No, it's _not_," she glanced at him a moment, then turned her face away, brushing a few tears off her cheeks, "I wanted… I didn't want the divorce. It was you that wanted out. So… ya, I love Geoffrey now, so much, but… I'm not the one that wasn't in love anymore."

They were silent a long moment; both trying to find courage to battle the vulnerability they both felt in that moment.

"You want to stay?" Derek clarified.

"Yes," Addison said softly.

He sighed with relief, "Me too."

"Well then why would you say that?" she demanded weakly, her emotions welling up again, "You made me cry."

Derek turned towards her and hugged her, "I don't know. I'm sorry," he whispered pressing his lips against her shoulder then her neck, "I'm sorry."

She held him tightly, "And for the record," she said, trying desperately to lighten the mood, "If this is going to end, it's going to be me doing the ending buster. It's my turn."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So lets see how much of this list you agree with.

Endearing, enlightening, contemplative, revealing, perplexing, aggravating, fluffy, nauseating, humorous, overbearing, overblown (the definition that says 'past full bloom and ready to die), overdone, overly dramatic, overindulgent and over-analyzed.

And also, one of both of them is getting WAY to emotionally invested. And that's not good…

I'm trying to give you things to put in reviews… 'cause last time there was about half of what there usually is and that makes me… not happy.

So review.

Please.


	5. I Do  Cherish You

My spell check gets to a certain point and gives up. So if you have a solution, tell me, otherwise ignore the mistakes. I can't spell. I know this. It will do you no good to remind me.

XXXXXXXXX

"We need to call Addison."

"We are _not_ calling Addison," Derek shook his head. He was suppose to be with Addison right now but she had worked 49 hours straight and was exhausted. If he couldn't be with her, he certainly wasn't letting someone else call her and wake her up.

"Okay. Do you want to deal with this all on your own? Cause I have to leave."

Derek glared at Mark wearily, "What could she even do?"

"Meredith, not answering her phone," Callie spoke from the door to Meredith and Derek's bedroom, "Izzie, not answering her phone. George, not answering his phone. I even tried Cristina and Alex. I think we should call Addison."

"We are _not_ calling Addison," Derek exclaimed.

"I need to leave," Mark stood, "Call Addison."

"Where are you going?" Callie demanded, "We are having a crisis."

"Well, I have an appointment," he grinned mysteriously, "Call Addison."

""We are _not…" _Derek began again.

"I know. I know," Callie sighed, as she dialed her phone, "We aren't calling Addison."

"Who are you calling then?"

"Addison."

Derek groaned, "Give me the phone," he glared at Callie until he heard Addison's groggy hello, "I'm sorry," he immediately apologized.

"It's _early_," she whined, "Can't you wait?"

Derek chuckled, clearly, she was at her own house in her own bed, alone, or she would not be making open reference to him wanting her, "Meredith's cat is having kittens. Either I called and woke you up or Callie did."

Addison groaned, "What am I suppose to do with kittens?"

He shrugged, "I don't know."

"You just miss me didn't you," Sleepily she grinned, "I'm allergic to cats. I couldn't help if I wanted to."

"I know."

"I'll come over," Addison sighed, "On the condition that I get to sit on the couch and watch the morning news. I'm only helping if there is a problem. A big problem. I hate cats."

"Deal," Derek chuckled, "You'd probably sneeze and send the pour kittens into prenatal- shock anyway."

"And you are watching the news with me," she continued, her voice dropping a bit lower, "And making me breakfast. You're the only reason I'm coming."

"There's coffee," he offered.

"I'm a surgeon," she teased, "That's breakfast. I'll be over as soon as I shower."

Derek glanced at the panicked look on Callie's face, "Could you come now? Callie's…"

Addison was silent as he trailed off, "I can but… I was with Geoff last night, I can smell his cologne on me, and I know you hate that… "She explained softly -- he complained about the same thing every time he saw her, he hates when he can smell Geoff's scent lingering on her skin

Derek glanced again at Callie who was suddenly very pale, "Come over now," he said, trying to mask his disappointment.

"Okay," she agreed, "But," she grinned into her phone, "After …you can come over to my place, I can shower and …" she paused seductively, "You can help me get all those hard to reach places."

XXXX

Addison groaned and made the water even hotter. She wasn't squeamish by any mean, but she would gladly pick childbirth over what she had just witnessed. She turned as he stepped into the shower behind her.

"Jesus Add," he murmured, the water scalding his skin.

"I like it hot," she yawned, little sleep and extreme heat making her drowsy. She turned her back to him and continued to lather her skin with soap, "Just so you know, I don't want to have sex in the shower."

"You invited me over for shower sex," he reminded her.

"I invited you over so you could get the hard to reach places for me," she handed him the shower poof over her shoulder, "Like my back," she instructed. "I never said anything about sex."

"Sex was implied," he muttered dragging the lathered mesh over her back once, then tossing it into a corner. "You can't renege the sex," he told her wrapping one arm across her shoulders and resting his other hand just below her navel, kissing her cheek.

She leaned back against his chest; dragging her fingers over his arms, "I can't renege sex?" she clarified.

"No," he whispered, his arm around her shoulders keeping her pressed up against him while the other leisurely slide across her hips and over her thighs until her breath caught in her throat and she tensed and tried to move away from him.

"Hey," he chastised her attempts to get away and turned her, pinning her gently against the tile wall, gripped one of her knees, and lifted her leg to wrap around his waist, "I haven't seen you in days. Let me have you."

Addison groaned, both from not getting her way and from the sensation of their bodies touching so intimately, only the angle of her hips denied him entrance to her body. She dragged her lips lustfully over his and slowly let the kiss deepen. She wrapped her arms loosely around his waist and relaxed her leg so it dragged down his, "But there is a bed right there," she pouted softly, "It's so much effort to have sex in here and I'm tired," she continued to whine in a somewhat seductive manner, "Can't I just lay on my back and let you have your way with me?"

Derek grunted softly against her neck but didn't give in. He leaned in closer encouraging her to follow his lead as he ran his hands languidly over her skin, not trying to arouse her, just wanting to touch her.

She sighed contentedly and mimicked his unhurried touches; pressing her lips to his, she emulated the leisurely tempo with her lips.

They continued to kiss and touch, relaxing in the hot wetness of the shower, allowing their body temperatures and their need for each other grow with the most innocent of caresses. They continued this until the hot water started to wane. Derek noticed first and pulled away intending to shut off the water and continue in the bedroom, but Addison clung to him not realizing his intentions. Derek smirked against her lips and turned her so the increasingly frigid water hit her full on the back.

She jumped and immediately began twisting and fighting her way out of his arms, which tightened around her waist. He laughed and released her, slipping from the shower while she turned off the water.

"Derek," she called after him grabbing a towel, "That was cruel. And cold."

She entered the bedroom and within seconds, the towel was being peeled off her body, and they were tangled together on the bed. They rolled and tumbled, the water on their skin gradually turning to sweat as they leisurely made love.

"Sex," Derek sighed with satisfaction, as he rolled onto his stomach and let one arm drop over the foot of the bed, "Between 6am and 10am is the best."

"Thanks," she whispered huskily as she settled herself on top of him, kissing the back of his neck, "It's my favorite too."

Derek chuckled and relaxed under the feel of her naked body stretched along his back.

"I like your body," she said softly as she ran her hands up his sides.

"Ya?" He asked, turning his face towards her so he could hear her better.

"Ya," she teased pressing her lips to his shoulder, "I like that your body doesn't overpower me," she explained quietly, "I like that we are almost the same height so we are always looking each other in the eye. I like that I don't have to look up to you. I like," she slipped her arms under his and nuzzled against his back, "I like that you aren't _really_ that much stronger then me, because I know that when we get rough it's because that's what we both want and we'll both enjoy it. I like that I know you won't hurt me."

Derek listened thoughtfully.

"I like that you're soft, that when I touch you I'm not just feeling muscles. I like that you're kinda flabby cause I know it's because you would rather have the extra hours to rest so you can save lives, rather then getting up earlier to work out at the gym. And I like," she leaned closer, "That even though I just said you're scrawny and short and weak and kinda out of shape, I like that _I know_ that you know what I mean, and I like that even though you are scrawny and short and weak and out of shape you still make me feel safe."

He smiled, oddly content at her words even though his first instinct was to be insulted. But she was right, he knew what she meant; he felt the same way about her. "Hey," he murmured softly, grabbing one of her hands and pressing a hard kiss to her palm, "Do we have time for a nap?" he asked, already reaching over the side of the bed for the discarded comforter.

"I have nowhere better to be." She slid off of him and let him cocoon the blanket around them, stretching out his arm so she could use it as a pillow. She smiled at him as they lay facing each other.

"Are you happy?" He asked, brushing his knuckle lightly over her nose.

"Very," she leaned in and kissed him, "I have it all."

XXXX

They awoke 2 hours later to the persistent ringing of Addison's phone.

"Ignore it," he murmured, already asleep again.

Addison considered it, but retrieved her phone and resumed her place in bed before answering it.

"Have you talked to Mark?" Callie's voice demanded.

"No," Addison closed her eyes and smiled as Derek pressed light kisses against her eyelids, "I delivered kittens, showered and now I'm napping."

"Well listen to the message he left me."

Addison pressed a lingering kiss to Derek's lips as she waited for the fumbling on Callie's end to clear up. Derek's phone rang on the other side of the room, but he made no move to answer it, but instead focused his attention on Addison's earlobe as he rubbed it between his fingers.

"_Hey Cal_." Mark's voice floated faintly over the line, "_So I have some news. I got MARRIED! I know it's kind of sudden, and I wish you could have been their to see it for yourself, but… maybe the next time," _Mark chuckled, "_We're sneaking away for a couple hours for our 'honeymoon', as luck would have it we both have to work tomorrow. But do you think you could throw together some kind of party? See if you can get Addison to help! If you get this message before 1 then just come over, if it's after that then you have a key and I'll leave my Visa on the table."_

Addison listened in stunned silence, "Who…"

"He doesn't say," Callie exclaimed, "After all that, he doesn't even say who he married."

Addison looked at Derek, "I can't believe _Mark got married_."

Derek's eye's widened and he jumped from the bed to check his phone.

"I'm meeting you in front of his building in 15 minutes," Callie instructed, "I need to know who is stupid enough to marry that philandering idiot."

"Okay," Addison agreed, to shocked to say anything else.

"Mark called," Derek spoke as Addison hung up, "But didn't leave a message." He sat down beside her, "Mark got married?"

"Mark got married," Addison repeated, "And called _Callie _before he called us."

XXXX

Addison and Callie stood apprehensively in front of Mark's door.

"$100 says it's Steevens," Addison whispered under her breath.

"Who else would it be?"

"I don't know. I didn't even think that Mark was capable of marriage."

Callie gave her a look and knocked on the door to Mark's loft.

The door flew open, "Oh my god! You're here!"

Addison's and Callie stood stunned as they were embraced tightly, Mark grinning like a fool a few feet away.

"You married…" Addison began.

Callie stuttered in surprised, "Sy-Sydney Heron."

Mark grinned, "Sydney Heron-Sloan."

XXXX

"I just can't…" Addison paused, she was trying to find a caterer, but she was finding it hard to search the yellow pages when she was so mystified, "He's married. Does he even know what that means? Marriage it means… well it means that he can't just have sex anymore. You have to make love, not all the time, but I don't think that Mark even knows how to make love. I think sex with emotion is a concept lost on Mark."

Callie shrugged, she was in charge of liquor and was doing a fantastic job with it, "I don't know. I think he is, you just don't see it cause you're full of bitterness and overwhelming feelings of suppressed hatred towards him for being so damn attractive that your panties spontaneously combust and your desire for the man-candy is stronger then your desire for your husband."

Addison glared at her, "All I know is that the man told me _numerous times_ that he was in love with me, and for a week and a half I thought I loved him too, and still, the only emotional surge I felt during sex was the 'pull my hair and spank me' kind."

"Well," Callie laughed, unsure how to respond to that, "For some people that is… and maybe they… are into that…"

"Okay," Addison bit her lip, "Don't. Please." She dissolved laughing, "We need to change the subject. Now. We have 4 hours."

"Okay," Callie agreed, "Oh, your idea about having someone officiate so they can do their vows again in front of friends."

Addison nodded.

Callie grinned, "Maybe we can find someone in leather chaps with a whip."

XXXX

"Meredith!" Derek called up the stairs, "We need to leave."

"I'm coming. I'm ready!" she yelled back, "Izzie lets go."

"I'm not going," Izzie sat on the edge of her bed and crossed her arms.

"Iz…"

"Two weeks ago he was cheating on me with Callie and now he's _married_? I'm not going."

"He is your friend and you said yourself it was just sex."

"It's the principle of the thing."

"The principle? Who cares? There is a lot of free liquor."

"Someone needs to stay here with Purrk and the kittens."

"She's my cat and I think she wants to be alone."

"I don't like Sydney."

"No one likes Sydney," Meredith shot back, "You're coming."

"I only have one shoe."

"Too bad."

XXXX

Addison sipped her drink and glanced around the room. It was pretty good turn out for a man that had cheated on most of the female staff and a woman that drove everyone crazy.

The open bar had been a good idea.

She watched Derek and Meredith talk, faces close together, grinning. Suddenly he glanced up, caught her eye and grinned at her. She watched him excuse himself from Meredith and walk up the open stairs to the bedroom.

"Why are you up here?" Addison slipping into the bedroom a few moments later, immediately crossing the room to stand close to Derek, she rested her hands on his sides and leaned her cheek against his shoulder.

"I needed to borrow a cufflink from Mark," he slipped a hand around her to rest on her lower back and opened his other hand to show her the single cufflink.

She lifted her head from his shoulder and picked up the cufflink, "I gave you these," she pouted.

"Ya," he pulled the other out of his pocket, "They're my favorites."

She grinned.

He kissed her cheek. "What are you doing up here?"

"You looked at me, I came up." She kissed him slowly on the lips a few times then moved out of his arms and seated herself on the edge of the bed and scooted up to the middle. She patted the bed beside her, "It's weird isn't it. Mark married."

"Do you think she's…" Derek trailed off.

"What?"

He grinned slyly, "In need of your services."

"Derek," she chastised.

"And don't you think," He knelt on the edge of the bed, "It's a bit weird that the, what do you call him? The Man-Whore? All those women, none of them has gotten pregnant."

Addison smiled, but didn't answer.

He stretched out on his side beside her, "Think they'll last."

"Actually," Addison tilted her head, "I think they might."

"Ya?" he asked leaning up and kissing her.

"Ya," she whispered moving closer and kissing him again.

"Hey," he said against her lips, running his hand up her thigh, pushing her dress up just short of her hip "Wanna have sex?"

She raised her eyebrow and kissed him once, "Now?"

"Mmm," he continued to press slow kisses against her lips, "Yes."

"Everyone is just downstairs."

"So," he moved down to her neck, "I want you in Mark's bed," he grinned against her neck, "Do it for me. Do it for the irony."

"Derek," she tilted her head back and let him push her down on to her back, "Someone is going to come looking for us."

"We only need 5 minutes," he grinned against her lips.

Addison laughed, "Great. That's great."

Derek backed away slightly, surprised that she had already loosened his belt and undone his zipper.

"Four minutes and forty-five seconds," she teased, snaking her panties down her legs and dropping them into his hand.

Derek chuckled and wrapped his hand around her neck, trapping their lips together. She groaned slightly, willingly giving in to the kiss and bringing her knees up to hug his sides, her hands pressing into his lower back as they shifted until their bodies aligned and he could slid inside her.

Addison dropped her head back against the bed, a low content sound issued from the back of her throat, her knees hugging him tighter and her heels digging into the bed.

Derek's hand slip down from her neck and groped at her breast; Addison arched her back, pushing her chest up against his hand. Her hand crept up, tugging at the side zipper of her dress until the materiel slackened enough to pull it off her shoulder, bringing her bra strap with it.

He greedily engulfed her breast with his mouth, kissing it hungrily before returning to her lips in order to muffle the soft cries they both made with each thrust.

"Oh. My God."

Derek and Addison both froze.

"Well this is awkward," Sydney laughed, "Wow. Okay. I wasn't expecting this."

Addison tugged the side of her dress up to cover her chest and attempted to sit up.

"Okay. Wow. I'm just going to go," she laughed again, "And lock this door, so carry on." She turned to leave, "Oh. And Addison," she turned back, her face stern "Can you be careful of those stilettos on the bedspread? It's new."

There was a long silence.

"Did that just happen?" Addison asked softly. She sat up, her body turned towards Derek's as he perched on the edge of the bed.

"Yes," he nodded, running a hand over his hair.

"I don't think she'll say anything," Addison leaned closer, resting her chin on his shoulder and pressing her front against his side.

"No," he agreed, kissing the bridge of her nose, "Me neither."

She reached up and touched her hair, "Do I look like I just had sex?"

"Started having sex," he corrected, picking up her panties and handing them to her.

"Thanks," she dropped them in her lap and started pulling pins out of her hair so it fell around her shoulders. "What?"

He stared at her intently a moment longer, then wrapped his hand around her knee and pushed her back into the position they had just vacated.

"Derek," she sighed wearily.

"Shhh," he kissed her hard, his body already responding to hers again, "The door is locked this time."

Twenty minutes later Addison joined Callie and Geoffrey on the balcony.

"Where have you been?" Callie inquired.

Addison rolled her eyes and slipped her arm casually around Geoffrey's waist, "I went upstairs to use the master bathroom, and people came in and started having sex in the bedroom, so I couldn't get out. So I changed my hair while I waited for them to finish," she smiled and touched her hair, now loose around her shoulders.

"Someone snuck upstairs to have sex?" Callie shook her head, "Some people have no tact.

XXXX

"If there had been an actual wedding, you would have been my best man."

Derek smiled but didn't reply.

"I get now, why you left," Mark shook his glass so the ice rattled, "I've only been married to her for a day and I want to punch every guy that looks at her. What I did to you with Addison…"

"Mark…" Derek took a deep breath, "You don't…" he sighed, unable to really explain that there was no way he could understand the magnitude of his actions, "Thank you."

"I hope," Mark watched him carefully, "When you and Meredith get married that you'll still want me as your best man."

Derek didn't look at him, "I am a man of only one wife."

Mark nodded, "I think I am too."

They stood silently for a moment.

"My wife," Mark smiled at the word, "My _one_ wife, told me she ran into you and yours. You're paying to have that comforter dry cleaned."

XXXX

"I got you a drink," Meredith handed Derek the glass and curled herself against his side.

The party had wound down. Only a few people remained, mainly Derek and Meredith, Addison and Geoffrey, Cristina, Alex, Callie, Izzie, George and of course the bride and groom.

They sat in the comfortable leather couches of Marks living room, chatting and sipping their drinks. Derek glanced at Addison who was sitting in Geoffrey's lap on the other end of the couch. She saw him watching her out of the corner of her eye and stretched out a leg to nudge his with her toe.

A move not lost on Sydney.

"How did you two meet?" she asked casually, "I've always been curious."

Derek glanced at Meredith and dropped his arm around her shoulders, "We met at Joe's."

Sydney shook her head, "Everyone knows how _you_ met," her eyes slid to Addison, "I meant you."

"Oh," Addison said in surprise, glancing at Geoff and grinning, "Callie introduced us."

"I knew that too," Sydney smirked, "I meant you two," her eyes darted between Addison and Derek.

"Ummm," Addison shifted uncomfortably, "We met in med school." She forced a smile indicating that she was dropping the subject.

"That's not how you met," Mark scoffed. He was clearly drunk and willing to do anything to make his bride happy, and if she wanted gossip, he'd give it to her.

"Mark…" Derek shook his head.

"I love this story."

"Mark please don't do this," Addison asked softly.

"It's my party," Mark protested, "And I want to tell it." He took a drink, "We were about to start Med. School, she was mostly right about that part. But she was dating this guy. This really really really stupid frat boy dunce, who… I don't think I can explain how stupid this guy was…"

Addison leaned towards Callie and Cristina, "You remember Brad Pitt in _Legends of the Fall_? With the hair? He looked just like that."

They nodded in complete understanding.

"What was his name?" Mark continued, "He was seriously the biggest oaf that Addison ever… What was his name? Trent… Trent… it started with a K…"

"Trent Kasley," Addison and Derek said simultaneously and with equal distaste.

"Right," Mark grinned, "So they broke up… like that afternoon or something…"

"Why?" Izzie interjected.

"He slept with the opposing teams head cheerleader during an away game," Addison supplied, taking a sip of her wine.

"Like I said, huge idiot."

"Doesn't say much for you Mark," Addison said quietly, still drinking.

"That doesn't say much for most of the men in this room," Mark shot back, "You are really starting to get around…"

"Shut up Mark," Addison warned, "Shut up right now!"

Mark grinned, "So as I was saying. They broke up because he was an idiot. So, Addison was on the prowl for some revenge sex, and she ends up at this party. So…" his eyes sparkled, "I'm telling the uncensored version you wouldn't let me tell at your wedding."

"No," Addison protested, "Mark…"

"It's my party," Mark reminded her as he watched her reach for the wine bottle then fill her glass and Geoffrey's before passing it to Derek giving him an apologetic look. "So Addison, wanting to hurt Trent Kasley, finds the most attractive guy in the room." He grinned, "Me. And she comes over and she's flipping her hair and stroking my arm and suggesting things that would … You could tell she was really drunk because no girl is that... bold in front of a room full of people, ever."

Derek started at her hard, "You propositioned Mark?"

Addison took a gulp of her wine but didn't reply.

"So, I go to get her jacket so I can take her back to my place, well, our place," he nodded to Derek, "And on the way I met this really hot blond, who awkwardly turns out to be Addison's roommate."

Smirks begin to show on Addison and Derek's faces, but are interrupted by Sydney.

"Is this a story of how Derek met Addison or how you met her?"

"Both, I'm getting to it," he grinned at his new bride, "I grab her jacket and come back and Addison is gone and I assume that some well meaning friend has taken her home and is sobering her up. So, I return to the hot blond. Couple hours later I run into Derek and he is _drunk. _And I mean _drunk. _But he's on cloud nine because this cute redhead grabbed him and dragged him onto the porch and has been alternating between force feeding him shots of whiskey and shoving her tongue down his throat. That would be Addison. But we have to take Derek's word on all this and because Addison doesn't remember this part of the night. So he takes her home and I spend a glorious night with the blond."

"Well that's cute," Sydney stretched.

"I'm not done," Mark interrupted, "So Derek comes home the next morning completely enamored with her but won't really say what happened, just that they talked, which means nothing happened and he just held her hair while she was violently ill and then passed out. So I forced him to wait 8 hours to call her, and when he does," he paused dramatically, "She has gotten back together with Trent Kasley."

"Awww," several people sighed sympathetically.

"Don't worry. Derek doesn't care. He settles for this annoying platonic thing where they spend all their time together and I have to start sleeping with her roommate again so I can see my best friend once in awhile.

"Hey," Addison interrupted, "You weren't complaining. Those walls were thin and you seemed to be enjoying yourself."

"She was hot," Mark grinned, "What happened to her? She just disappeared in the middle of the semester."

"Siobhan?" Addison glanced at Derek, a grin on her face, "You can tell him. This story makes you seem kind of pathetic."

"It makes you sound slutty."

"Well I'm kind of a slut."

Derek smirked and turned to Mark, "She went back to England when you gave her crabs and wouldn't return her calls."

The room fell silent.

"That felt good," Derek reflected.

Mark turned red, "So eventually Addison and Trent broke up and her and Derek lived happily for the next decade and a half before spontaneously combusting," Mark wrapped up his narrative quickly, "But she was still suppose to be an easy lay and Derek just held her hair back."

The room remained motionless.

"She didn't get sick," Derek said finally, "There was no hair holding."

"Derek!" Addison exclaimed, "We didn't have sex either," she added defensively.

"Technically…"

"Shut up!"

"The hair holding story makes me sound like a…"

"It's romantic…"

"You think _this_ audience needs a romantic story of how we met?" Derek argued, "Besides you wanted to sleep with Mark."

"But I didn't."

"But you wanted to."

"But I didn't. I choose you," she said quietly.

Derek stared at her, then nodded, giving her a small smile.

Sydney beamed, "Excellent story."

XXXX

"I don't usually like weddings, but I thought the little ceremony they had was nice. They seemed so happy," Meredith murmured curling up closer against Derek's side. His fingers trailed lightly through her hair and she sighed happily, "Do you think we'll ever be happy like that?"

Derek smiled; he was barely awake, "We _are _happy like that."

Meredith laughed gently. She closed her eyes letting his fingers in her hair lull her to sleep, "Derek?"

"Mmm?"

"Why don't you ever talk about Addison?"

"Divorced," he mumbled.

"I know," she smiled as she reached her arm across his waist, "But you were married for eleven years and you pretend like it never happened."

He didn't reply, but Meredith could feel his breathing getting deeper.

"Derek?"

"Hmm?"

"What happened with you and Addison? Why did things get so bad?"

"Broken wedding vows," he sighed, dropping his hand down to her shoulder lightly rubbing her skin. He yawned heavily, then became very still.

Meredith sighed thinking he was asleep.

"I didn't," he yawned, "honour her,"

Meredith's stomach clenched.

He shifted, getting more comfortable for sleep, "I didn't, cherish her, like I, should" he breathed, finally succumbing to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

Oh Derek…

Oh Derek…

Some people in this need to confront their feelings.

And it's not Mark and Sydney. And I'm not going to lie; I did that just because I thought it would be funny.

Reason you should review: Reviews encourage me to write faster and I'm going home for Christmas so unless you want me to leave you on a cliffhanger you want me to write the next 3 chapters quickly.

Push the button.


	6. Naughty Naughty Christmas

Okay. I am just going to warn you now. I am like a completely different person at Christmas. I get all warm and gooey and full of the joys of the season. And I listen to a lot of Dolly Parton Christmas songs. It's just one of those things. I tried to keep this chapter as non-fluffy as possible… and I failed.

XXXXXXXX

December 10th

XXXXXXXX

"What about this one?"

"That's my favorite."

Meredith made a face, "That's at least the tenth time you have said that."

Derek took the ornament from her and carefully put it on the tree, "I have a lot of favorites."

"What about this one?" Meredith held up a crude handmade ornament.

"Not my favorite," Derek took it and grimaced, "But if it's not on the tree my mother will notice," He sighed and hung it towards the back, "I made that."

"Awww," Meredith teased.

Derek gave her a semi-amused smile; "Let's unpack some of yours now."

Meredith shrugged, "I don't have many," she flipped open the lid of the box, "I have books. Lot's of Christmas books. And I have these ugly Christmas balls that spell my name," she laughed and held up the box, "One letter on each ball. They were my favorite ornaments until I was 11 and I broke the 'H'."

Derek laughed, "Meredit?"

Meredith giggled, "Shut up."

Derek's pager beeped loudly and Meredith picked it up off the side table and glanced at the display, "233673. How long before these people figure out they have the wrong number?" she tossed it back onto the table and lifted the lid of another box, "What's this one?"

Derek grinned and started unpacking it carefully, "It's a nativity scene. My mother gave it to me. She gave us each one the first year we were away from home at Christmas."

"Oh," Meredith carefully picked up one of the sheep, "Where do you want to put it?"

Derek shrugged, "Anywhere."

Meredith surveyed the room carefully, "How about that table? It's the first thing you see when you come through the front door."

Derek agreed, watching Meredith's brow furrow in concentration as she carefully arranged the figures. He leaned over, kissing her cheek softly and smiling at her before letting her continue with her work.

"There's no Jesus," Meredith said finally.

Derek chuckled, "He's still in the box," he explained, "He hasn't been born yet."

Meredith rolled her eyes good naturedly, "Help me with my star," she instructed, picking up the one ornament she seemed to have a sentimental attachment too.

Derek helped her up onto a chair, steadying her when she leaned over and placed the star on top of the tree, adjusting it until it was just right.

"Okay," she breathed, leaning away and surveying her work with a grin. She placed her hands on Derek's shoulders and let him lift her down.

They stood there a moment, wrapped in each other's arms.

"This is going to be a good Christmas I think," she said softly as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I think so too," he agreed, pulling her down on the couch he wrapped his arms around her and surveyed the tree and the decorations.

"I'm glad we did this together," she sighed, "Mostly I'm glad that Izzie didn't help. This is much more… us."

"Mmhmm," Derek agreed. He kissed her lightly and squeezed her shoulder, "I need to get going. I have to run into the hospital, run a couple errands and I want to get to the gym."

Meredith nodded. "Thanks for helping George with the outside lights. And for helping me decorate."

"Hey," he kissed her again, "I wanted to do this with you. I love Christmas, and I love you. Where else would I possibly want to be?"

XXXX

"I was starting to think that you weren't coming."

"It smells good in here," Derek inhaled deeply and shrugged out of his jacket.

Addison grinned but didn't look up, "It's a candle. It's called 'Christmas Cookies'. I'm feeling festive, and it seemed safer then actually baking Christmas cookies, since, well… I'm me. Oh, unless what you smell is popcorn. Then I made microwave popcorn."

He sat down across from her at the trailers tiny kitchen table and watched her with amusement, "What are you doing?"

She flushed, "Making Christmas ornaments," she said quietly, "For the tree."

"What tree?"

"The tree you are going to go out and find me," she smiled hopefully, finally looking up at him.

"This is why you paged me out here? To find you a tree?"

She tilted her head to the side and pouted.

"Aw. Don't pout. I hate when you pout."

"We always had so much fun at Christmas Derek. And it's just for a few hours. Please."

Derek considered it.

"Please? Look I'm making garland," she pointed to the pile of strung popcorn and beads, "And I bought frozen turkey dinners," she stood up and opened the freezer, "And there's eggnog. And I bought you a present… " she tempted,"…from Victoria Secret."

"A present?"

"You only get the present if you get me a tree."

"That's not fair," he grumbled, standing again and reaching for his jacket.

"Thank you, baby," she teased, laughing as he slammed the door behind him.

35 minutes later, he was back with a very small tree and a very primitive looking stand he'd made out of a few pieces of plywood.

"It's freezing out there," he shivered and immediately wrapped his arms around her and slipped his hands under her sweater.

"Ah," she arched towards him in an attempt to get away from his cold hands, "Naughty."

Derek smirked, "You have no idea," he teased, leaning down to kiss her.

She smiled against his lips and wrapped her arms around his waist, making no move to leave his embrace until 4 minutes later then the microwave started to beep.

"Dinner's ready," she announced softy, kissing him a bit longer before turning out of his arms.

They sat down side by side at the table with their TV dinners and eggnog, Derek's arm around her shoulders as he picked at his food.

"You know what this reminds me of?" he said finally, "The first Christmas we spent together, when we first started dating. It was just like this: 2 weeks before Christmas and frozen dinners."

Addison smiled, "That was a good Christmas."

"Ya," Derek reflected, "Except we ate in bed. And we watched the Yule log."

"We did everything in bed," she teased.

"Not unlike now."

She glanced at him, "We didn't have to sneak around to be together then," she said quietly. She sighed softly and stood, "Come to the bedroom with me."

He followed her apprehensively. She pointed to the bed and busied herself looking for something. He leaned against the pillows and opened his arms when she sat beside him and leaned against his chest.

She wrapped his arms tightly around her and pressed play on the remote, "Watch the Yule log."

They watched until the end of the DVD, only taking their eyes from the screen when Addison moved to get a blanket, or the few times he tilted her head so he could kiss her.

"I need to go."

"I never got my present."

Addison smiled, "Another time. I promise."

Now it was Derek's turn to pout.

"Okay," she chuckled, "Close your eyes."

He obeyed.

"No peeking," she warned.

He listened to her shuffle around, at one point he though he could hear bells.

"Okay. You can open your eyes."

Derek opened his eyes, "Merry Christmas."

Addison laughed, "Do you like it?" She turned slightly so he could take in the entire dark green negligee.

He fingered the bell that dangled from the ties between her breasts, then trailed down to the ones against her hips, "These could be fun."

"So you like your present?"

"I do," he kissed her, pulling her closer and running tip of his tongue across her lower lip, "Now take it off, I need to get going."

She pulled away and laughed, "Shut up. Go home," she teased.

He winked at her, "Merry Christmas Addison."

"Merry Christmas Derek."

XXXXXXX

December 22nd

XXXXXXX

"Cab's here" Izzie yelled backing away from the window. She looked to George, "Tell Callie that the cab's here."

George rolled his eyes, "Callie," he turned to Callie who was sitting on the steps, "Cab's here."

"I heard. Thank you George."

Izzie picked up her bag and flung her purse over her shoulder just as the doorbell rang. Izzie threw open the door and paused, it wasn't the cabbie.

"Hello," the woman said smoothly. She was in her mid-sixties; her short hair was a light brownish grey, pulled back from her face with a clip. She was dressed simply but smartly, and she was tall and slender. She smiled pleasantly, her features soft, as she looked Izzie up and down, "You must be Meredith."

"No…" Izzie took a step back, "I'm Izzie…"

"Oh…" A look of what seemed like relief passed over her features, "I'm sorry, dear. I just assumed. You look more like Mark's type, I should have known."

Izzie's features clouded and George and Callie groaned.

"You shouldn't have said that," George muttered, pushing Izzie out the front door.

Callie smiled at the woman, "You must be Derek's mom."

"Catherine," she introduced herself, "You're Callie? Mark talks about you," she laughed, "When he's not talking about that foolish wife of his."

"Does she come across as crazy on the phone?" Callie joked.

"Honey. I'm just praying that she's not as bad as I fear. Because she seems unstable and he's definitely in love with her."

"Mom?" Derek stepped out of the kitchen, "Mom!" He rushed forward and hugged his mom tightly, "You're 4 hours early."

"I caught an earlier connection," she held his face in her hands, "You look older."

"So do you," he teased.

The cab honked and Callie rolled her eyes, "This should be a fun cab ride. Merry Christmas," she said to Derek and Catherine, "Bye Meredith," she yelled up the stairs.

"Bye!" Meredith yelled back, starting down the stairs, "Derek," she called not realizing that he was standing in the foyer, with his mother, "Maybe you should stay in George's room while …" she stopped short.

"Meredith," Derek chuckled, "This is my mother."

"Catherine," she introduced herself, stepping forward and hugging Meredith warmly, "It's wonderful to finally meet you dear."

XXXXXXX

December 23rd

XXXXXXX

Derek stepped through the revolving doors and froze. The place was packed, "Don't say anything Mom."

She chuckled, "I wasn't going to. But it's unlike you to put off your Christmas shopping."

"I've been busy. You still have to shop too."

She smiled indulgently, "I didn't know what to get for Meredith, I've never met her before because you never wanted to introduce her. All I have for her is a scarf and it's the same one I bought for Addison, I don't think either of them will appreciate that."

"Mom…" Derek sighed, "You can't give my girlfriend and my ex-wife the same…"

"I know. Which is why I'm going to find Meredith a nice sweater, and maybe some gloves for Addison," she moved towards the escalator, "And the scarves are different colours. They won't even notice."

"Addison will notice," Derek muttered, wandering into the heart of the department store, "And she'll yell at _me_."

90 minutes later Derek was no further ahead then when he walked in the front door. He was supposed to meet his mother in half an hour, and he also had to take his purchase to be gift-wrapped.

He was starting to panic.

"Addison?" he regretted dialing her number as soon as she answered the phone, "I don't know what to get her for Christmas."

Addison was silent for a long moment, "Are you serious?"

"It's the 23rd Addison, and I'm at the department store wandering aimlessly. Just give me an idea."

"Unbelievable," she muttered, "Where are you? I'm on the second floor."

"I'm still on the first."

"Which is why you haven't found anything," Addison rolled her eyes, "Meet me on third, by the steps. Not the escalator or the elevator, the stairs. I'll be there as soon as I pay for this."

Derek bound for the stairs, waiting impatiently for her once he reached the appropriate floor.

"You owe me," she stated out right as she walked up to him, "I'm giving you 15 minutes, after that you are on your own."

"Addison," he protested, following her as she walked away, "I haven't gotten her anything beyond a book and some CD's. You need to give me an hour at least."

"No," she said simply, grabbing his hand so she wouldn't loose him in the throngs of holiday shoppers, "I still have to go to the grocery story and pick up the girls from friends houses. And since when do you have trouble Christmas shopping?"

Derek rolled his eyes, "I was married to you for 11 years. I didn't have to think. I just bought… everything… in sight."

Addison laughed, "Okay well why didn't you just do that?"

Derek shrugged, "She's hard to buy for."

Addison pulled him to a stop in front of the jewelry counters, "Pick something. Something nice. Something _expensive_."

Derek glanced around, completely at a loss, "A watch maybe?"

"As much as I'd love to see her break up with you, a Christmas present is not the way I want it done. Does she wear bracelets?"

"Um," Derek though a moment, "Not really. She wears earrings," he supplied hopefully.

Addison shook her head, "To ordinary. She wears them everyday. You want to get her something special. Try looking for a necklace."

She turned away and looked out over the crowd as Derek stared intently at the selection of jewelry.

"What about this?"

"That's an amethyst."

"I know. Meredith loves purple"

Addison stared at him in disbelief, "You have to get her diamonds," she tapped her nail on the case with the diamond pendants, "You have too."

"Why? She'll like this."

Addison gaped at him and started listing the reasons on her fingers, "You lied to her about being married, you broke up with her to work on our marriage, she had to deal with my sister when coping with her drug problems, it's your first Christmas together and you've been cheating on her for 4 months now. Buy her the biggest damn diamond they have. She's earned it."

Derek nodded guiltily and examined each of the pendants carefully, "I like that one," he said finally.

Addison looked at his selection, "It's beautiful Derek," she said softly.

Derek nodded to the salesperson who carefully removed it from the case and held it out, "Do you want to try it on?"

Addison hesitated only a second, "Yes!"

Derek suppressed a chuckle and took the necklace from the salesperson's outstretched hand. He turned to Addison who was lifting her hair, "Remember, this is not for you."

"I know," she scoffed, letting her hair drop as he held it in place around her neck. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, "Ohhh…" she sighed wistfully, "I love it."

Derek stared at her reflection to, her fingers brushing over the stone, before their eyes met and locked. Derek carefully removed the necklace from around her neck and returned it to the salesperson, "I think I'll take that one," he pointed to another that was similar.

Addison sighed, "I need to go. I'm probably going to have to sleep with someone to get a turkey this late."

"Don't you dare," he shook his head at her, only half joking.

She grinned and leaned in closer, her arms snaking discreetly around his waist, "Merry Christmas," she whispered, kissing him softly.

"Merry Christmas Adds," he whispered back, his arms wrapping around her back for a long moment before she pulled away, leaving him to await his gift.

He handed over his Visa and glanced at the time.

He was late meeting his mother.

XXXXXXX

December 24th

XXXXXXX

Catherine stood at the bottom of the stairs and handed her son her jacket, "I'm assuming that since you are wearing your jacket we are almost ready to leave."

Derek held the jacket for his mother to slip on, "Meredith was just looking for a pair of shoes and some earrings. She'll be down momentarily."

Catherine gave him a look.

"I promise," Derek chuckled as her disbelieving look. They both turned as Meredith hurried down the stairs. "See."

Catherine glanced at her watch, "We might even be early."

"It's a Christmas miracle," Derek teased.

Meredith glanced between the two of them, "I don't understand," she said with a smile, handing Derek her jacket as she wrapped her scarf around her neck.

Catherine laughed, "For almost 40 years it's been Derek and I waiting at the front door for people to get ready for church. This may be the first time we make it there on time. Neither of us are used to women who can be ready as quickly as we are."

Meredith laughed, "Between Derek, my roommate Izzie and the snooze button; there is never any hot water, I only get 5 minutes in the bathroom, and I _have_ to be ready in 20 minutes or be on scut."

"Well, you look lovely," Catherine watched Meredith carefully as she buttoned her jacket.

"Mother," Derek said quietly, knowing exactly what his mother was thinking.

"I said nothing," Catherine replied. She followed Meredith out the door, noticing that she paused to check her reflection in the mirror.

"I can hear you thinking."

"But I didn't _say_ anything. And I won't."

"Thank you."

Derek smiled at Meredith as he joined her on the porch. His mother was right. Meredith's outfit, a sweater dress and belt with boots, resembled something Addison would wear at Christmas.

XXXX

Addison crawled across the bed and collapsed.

She had never been so tired in all her life.

She felt the bed dip beside her as Geoffrey lay down next to her.

"I'm tired."

He chuckled and rubbed her back, slipping his hand under her silk pajama top.

"That better have been the best damn turkey you have ever eaten. And if those potatoes were not up to Ali's ridiculously high standards then I don't want to hear about it. And _why_ would you buy a 5 year old a toy with so many tiny tiny parts and _why_ did we have to put it together tonight. And _why_ didn't you warn me that not only can you _not_ wrap anything, that you _haven't_ wrapped anything for either girl. And _why_…"

He silenced her complaints by pressing his lips firmly against her's, "Shut up."

"Okay," she murmured in agreement, raising an eyebrow as he shifted and started kissing his way up her spine. She closed her eyes and sighed, "I'm not having sex with you. I'm not moving."

"You don't have to move."

She laughed, "I'm serious. I'm going to sleep."

"Sleep away."

"Geoffrey!" she laughed, rolling over to face him.

He grinned, "I knew you'd come around," he said, undoing the buttons of her shirt.

"Stop that," she batted his hand away, still laughing but not protesting when he kissed her sweetly on the lips.

He pulled away and rested on his side gazing at her. "Want your Christmas present?"

She narrowed her eyes, "You only got me one?"

"No," he promised, kissing her again, "I got you several. But there is one in the closet if you want it now."

"I want it now," she grinned, crawling of the bed, pausing to glare at him when he slapped her ass on the way by. She glanced at him over her shoulder as she eased open the door to the closet. She paused and turned to look at him again. She stepped further into the closet and looked around carefully.

It was almost empty. With new shelves and drawers and hangers. And over half of it was empty space except for a big red bow. She picked up the bow and looped it around her finger.

Geoffrey grinned as she exited the closet and stood at the end of the bed, twirling the bow and staring at him with a questioning smile and one hand on her hip. "I want you to move in," he said simply.

She laughed, "Are you crazy?"

"Probably. Is that a yes?"

"Probably," she grinned, "Yes."

His smile grew as he pulled her back down on the bed.

She heaved a sigh and rolled on top of him, pushing herself up so she was straddling his hips "I suppose," she relented with a smile, seductively unbuttoning her top and slipping it off her shoulders, "We can have sex."

XXXXXXX

December 25th (Barely)

XXXXXXX

"Daddy. Daddy it's Christmas."

Addison buried her self deeper under the covers, trying her hardest not to wake up completely.

The bed shifted beside her as Geoffrey sat up, "Shh," he shushed her, "You'll wake up Addy."

"But it's Christmas. Santa came," she protested in a loud whisper.

"Not yet baby. Santa will come later, but only if your asleep."

Addison shifted as Geoffrey stood and the mattress sprung back into shape.

"Can't we check? Maybe he came early."

"Santa doesn't come until after the small hand is on the 6," he told her, yawning as he led her back to her own bedroom.

Addison scooted over to his side of the bed, inhaling the masculine scent that lingered on his pillow. She wrapped her arms around the pillow and buried her face in it. "What time is it?" she grumbled as Geoffrey slid back in bed, tugging the pillow from her arms.

"2:13," he grumbled, "She's not allowed downstairs until 6."

"That's _earrrrly_," Addison whined, burying her face against his perfectly toned chest.

"That's Christmas with a five-year old."

It seemed like only seconds later that Addison was being dragged from slumberland once again. This time she hadn't even noticed when Geoffrey got out of bed.

"Dad." Ali complained in an angry whisper, "Tell her to stay out my room."

"She's excited," Geoffrey whispered back, "Just let her sit in your room and look at her books."

"She's keeping me awake," Ali tugged hard on Daisy's hand, "Let her stay in here with you."

"Addison's asleep. Just read her a story and she'll fall asleep."

"I tried that. This is the third time that she's woken me up."

Addison propped herself up on her elbow and beckoned Daisy to come over. Daisy jumped up onto the high bed and crawled over to Addison. "Get under here," Addison lifted the covers and tucked Daisy in next to her, "Your feet are cold," she teased.

Daisy cuddled closer and rested her cheek against Addison's chest. She reached out and twisted one of the buttons on Addison's pajamas around in her fingers, "How is Santa going to find you?"

"What do you mean?" Addison ran her fingers through Daisy's hair, ignoring Geoffrey and Ali who were still bickering at the door.

"You aren't at your house. Santa might think you're lost."

Addison chuckled, "Well. I left him a note. Right by the cookies so that he wouldn't miss it. And I said that I was going to be over here with my favorite people in the _whole_ world. 'Cause that's where you want to be for Christmas. Right?"

Daisy smiled, "Right."

"And just incase, I sent him an e-mail before I went to bed."

Daisy giggled and yawned, "Will you tell me a story?"

"Just a short one," Addison glanced at Geoffrey and Ali who were _still_ arguing over who was going to put Daisy back to bed, "Okay. So once upon a time there was a tiny little tree in a great big forest…"

"Was he a Christmas tree?"

"Shhhh," Addison teased, squeezing her tightly in her arms, "You're gonna ruin the ending. Okay, so, there was a little tiny tree, in a great big forest. And every year around _Christmas _time, people would come into the great big forest and chose a tree to take home with them. But no one wanted the little tiny tree because he was too small."

By the time Geoffrey and Ali agreed that Ali would read 2 stories to Daisy in exchange for being able to postpone Christmas until 8am, Addison and Daisy were both fast asleep; Daisy content in knowing that the little tiny tree found a home in a little tiny house where he was just the right size, and Addison content to just be asleep. They didn't even stir when Geoffrey kissed them both on the forehead and lay awake, silently watching them sleep, and thinking how blessed his was.

XXXXXXXX

December 25th

XXXXXXX

"And this one," Catherine read the label on the gift, "Is from Nancy," she handed the box to Meredith.

Meredith stared at the box a moment before accepting it.

"Don't worry," Catherine assured her, "I approved all the girls gift's before they were allowed to wrap them."

Meredith tore off the paper, "A book. _The Art of War_. That's… and she underlined passages…"

Derek picked up the book and set it aside, "I'll talk to her," he gave his mother a look.

"Nancy said she was a military history buff…"

"And you believed her?"

"She's the only one that had met her." Catherine sighed and reached under the tree for another gift, she studied the tag for a long moment, "For you," she passed it to Derek.

Derek weighed the gift in his hand for a moment before flipping over the tag '_With Love From Me, To You'_, he smiled and ripped off the paper, "Cologne," he grinned immediately spritzing it on.

Meredith leaned closer and sniffed, "It's… different."

"You stopped wearing that scent Derek?" Catherine asked carefully.

Derek shook his head, "Just ran out."

She nodded. "I see."

XXXX

"For you," Geoffrey handed Addison a gift, passing it carefully over Daisy's head, "No name on the tag."

Addison smiled at him from her spot on the floor, leaning against the couch with Daisy sitting between her legs. She glanced at the tag '_With Love From Me, To You'_. She smiled, "Probably from Adrienne." She lied, peering into the bag and pulled out a small bottle. "Perfume," she grinned, immediately dabbing some on her wrists and neck.

"I want some," Daisy whined.

Addison pressed their wrists together, and then brought her's to her nose to inhale the familiar scent.

"I've never heard of this," Geoffrey examined the bottle.

"It's custom made. In France," Addison explained, "That's the only bottle of that scent that they'll make all year."

"Wow," Geoffrey sniffed it carefully, "It's nice."

"They spelt 'adore' wrong," Ali stated bluntly.

Addison smiled, "No. They didn't. It's supposed to be '_J'Addore_'. It's a play on my name." Addison smiled to herself and met Geoffrey's eye, "I have to go pick up one last present," she winked at him, "I'll be right back."

XXXX

Addison hopped from foot to foot, rubbing her hands together in the cold.

"You could have gotten dressed," Derek opened the door and ushered her inside.

"It's Christmas morning."

He shook his head at her, "Everything is right here," he nodded to the parcels piled at the front door, "It's the black kitten, right?"

Addison nodded.

"Okay. Wait here, I have a surprise for you."

Addison watched Derek disappear into the kitchen. She smiled at Meredith who was leaning against the doorway to the living room, "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Meredith replied.

The door to the kitchen swung open and Catherine stepped through holding a mug of coffee, "Addison!" she exclaimed in surprise.

"Mom!" Addison grinned; rushing forward she hugged her former mother-in-law.

"Oh!" Catherine teared up as she held her, "Sweetheart. Oh." She pulled back and cupped Addison's face in her hands, "You need to start calling home more."

Addison nodded, her eyes misty "I just… didn't know…"

"Well now you do. I expect my kids to keep me informed on what they are up too. That means you too." She studied Addison's face, "You look beautiful Addy."

Addison shook her head, "I look tired."

"You look happy," Catherine told her.

Addison smiled, "I am."

Derek stepped back into the foyer, his jacket on and carrying a 6 weeks old kitten.

Catherine looked at Addison in surprise, "I thought you were allergic to cats."

"I am," Addison wiped a few tears out of her eyes, "But it's really not that bad. It's for… my… boyfriend, he has a 13 year-old daughter who hates me and desperately wants a cat so… Merry Christmas Ali," she turned to Derek, "Can you carry her out to my car?" she asked needlessly seeing as Derek was already tucking the kitten inside his jacket.

He nodded and turned to Meredith so she could say goodbye to the cat.

"We should have lunch before you leave," Addison said softly to Catherine, "I miss everyone."

"Tomorrow," Catherine promised immediately, "We'll find some place that's open for brunch."

"Okay," Addison said goodbye and followed Derek out to her car. "You didn't tell me that Mom was coming," she accused.

"I wanted to surprise you," Derek settled the kitten in a box on her front seat and joined her at the back of the car to help her load cat supplies into the trunk where they were hidden from view, "You smell good."

"Thank you. You do too."

He leaned over and kissed her quickly before slamming the trunk closed.

"I'm moving in with him."

Derek stared at her.

"He asked me last night." She smiled, "He gave me a closet for Christmas."

Derek nodded, "You're happy about this?"

She nodded.

"Then I'm happy for you," he said, glancing back up at the house. He thought he saw the curtains flicker, but he wasn't sure.

"Derek," she called his attention back to her, "This doesn't change anything with us. I still want to be with you."

He nodded, forcing a smile "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas."

XXXXXXXXXX

I would not be surprised if Catherine showed up again. Later. In the future.

And… I love Daisy. And therefore Addison and Geoffrey have to stay together forever and ever.

Send me Christmas Themed Reviews and I'll update twice more in the next week.

Promise.

Push le button.


	7. I Do What I Have To Do

Okay, so this is the second to last chapter. And it's a little late getting onto because vista is like evil and I was separated from my computer. It was heartbreaking.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I was thinking," Derek mused, sipping his coffee, "That we could go away this weekend."

"Go away where?" Meredith asked eagerly, sitting down across from him, "The beach?"

"I was thinking we could go camping," he told her, "It's cooler in the mountains. The city has been so hot this summer."

"Which is why the beach..." Meredith grinned, "...is a perfect solution."

Derek chuckled, "But I can't fish at the beach."

Meredith's grin faded, "You want to take me fishing?"

"Well, not just fishing. Camping. And there's hiking too. Fresh air. No people for miles and sleeping bags under the stars."

"Couldn't we bring the trailer?" she asked apprehensively.

"But being outdoors is half the fun," he grinned, "Just as long as you don't forget your bug repellent"

"Um," Meredith looked away, "Okay," she said finally -- and very reluctantly.

"Really?" Derek stared at her in surprise, "Okay. I'll run out today and get some supplies. We can leave Thursday afternoon. Remember not to bring shampoo or deodorant or anything that smells okay. It's July-- bear season."

Meredith's eyes widened, "Bears?"

Derek smiled to himself; she was going to back out by the end of the day. 

Just like he wanted her too.

XXXX

"We need to get away."

Addison gave him a small smile but didn't look up from her paperwork, "Do we?"

"Oh," Derek grinned at her, a glint in his eye, "Do we ever." He lowered his voice even more, "You. Me. The bed. Maybe a few other flat surfaces…"

Addison laughed belatedly, and bit down on her lower lip.

"Maybe this weekend? A long weekend?"

"Mmm," she pondered this, "I'm going to New York for a long weekend."

"Oh…" Derek wrinkled his nose in disappointment.

"Or at least that's what I'm going to tell people," she grinned slyly.

XXXX

"What are you eating?"

"Mmm," Sydney swallowed hard, "Dill pickle potato chips. Want some?" She held out the bag to Addison, "And I have some Orange Crush soda in my purse if you want that. And KettleCorn."

"You probably shouldn't eat while I'm doing this," Addison told her, plucking the chips out of Sydney's hands. She placed the bag on the stool next to her and grabbed a few, tossing them in her mouth before turning on her ultrasound machine. "How have you been feeling?"

"Exhausted. And sick. And starving. Which," Sydney paused and held up her hand, "Is really awkward. One second the mere concept of food has me projectile vomiting for an hour and a half, the next second I would gladly murder my own husband for a bite of his grilled cheese, tomato and bacon sandwich. That's normal right?"

Addison nodded, "He still makes those?"

"Oh, Addison. They are so good. I have been craving one all day."

Addison laughed, "This is cold," she warned.

Sydney didn't flinch; her mind was on other things. "Can you pass me my purse? I'm just going to call Mark and get him to start finding me some lunch."

Addison laughed, "He's at your beck and call isn't he."

"Pretty much," Sydney shrugged, "But it works for me." She hit her speed dial, "Hey Sweetcheeks, can you do something special for me?" She grinned, "Can you make me one of your sandwiches for lunch?" she paused, "Oh. But with a fried egg. No no. Mark, I want the egg _in_ the sandwich. Yes. Mark," she laughed, "I want the cheese, then the egg, then the bacon, then the tomato. And… Oh… No. No fries. Salad. I need to eat healthy Mark," she explained seriously, "Oh, wait. Is the cafeteria special chilli today? Yeah, get me some of that. With cheese. No, I don't want milk. Get me cocoa. Or Pepsi… No… No Pepsi. It's been giving me indigestion. Okay cocoa. And actually, make me two sandwiches. Ok. Yup. No, she hasn't started yet. Because, I'm on the phone with you. Okay, I'll ask... but I think it was the dining room table. Well we'll see. Bye."

"Now I'm hungry," Addison teased, "but remind me to give you a package on nutrients and eating well."

Sydney scoffed, "Mark wanted me ask if you can pinpoint a conception date yet."

Addison shrugged and began running the ultrasound wand over Sydney's abdomen, "I can narrow it down, but it's not an exact science… didn't you go over this with your OB-GYN?"

"Okay, there is a reason why Mark insisted you take over. All she'd commit to was that it was probably the last week of April and that doesn't really help us narrow things down."

"Well," Addison stopped her exam and reached for a calendar, "I can narrow it down more than that. When was your last period and how long are you cycles on average?" After a few minutes of discussion and counting Addison smiled, "May 2nd. Or at least close to May 2nd, so your due date is… January 21st. Does that help?"

"It would help if you told Mark it was April 27th. We made a bet."

"How much did I just cost you?" Addison chuckled, picking up her wand again.

"The stakes were _not_ monetary." She sighed and rested her hands behind her head, "How's everything doing in there?"

"So far so good."

Sydney heaved a sigh of relief. "Good. That's good."

"Were you… trying?" Addison asked.

"No," Sydney shook her head, "Oh God, no. Well. We weren't _not_ trying. We had one conversation about kids in a general sense, but that was before we even got married. We both wanted kids," she laughed, "We just weren't thinking that the kids would be with each other. But," she paused thoughtfully, "We both came into this marriage saying 'let's see what happens' and I think that me getting pregnant was just confirmation that we had done the right thing."

Addison considered this, "Oh."

Sydney turned her head to stare at the screen, "We know that people think we're crazy for getting married, and we know it was crazy. And honestly, we didn't intend on staying married. He said that he was just looking for someone who gave him an excuse to settle down, and I just … I liked him. We were all working on those conjoined twins, and you and Derek were always off on your own having top secret conversations; which left me and Mark, alone, to make a lot of small talk. And we liked talking to each other. We liked being together. And he didn't seem to mind that I'm really annoyingly happy and enthusiastic and I don't care that he has a bit of a reputation. So…"

"Oh," Addison found herself watching Sydney and not concentrating on her ultrasound.

"Am I distracting you?"

"No," Addison shook her head, "It's just odd hearing someone talk about Mark like that."

Sydney nodded, "I guess you would. But... you shouldn't. He was ready to settle down with you. He wanted to. He loved you. It was you that couldn't do it. You only saw him as one thing, and even when he moved here ready to give you the life you wanted, you only saw him as a 'manwhore'. And you never gave anyone else a chance to see him as anything else. So, that's how he acted," Sydney's voice remained calm, not accusing Addison of anything, just stating her opinion... or what Mark had told her, "And then the Callie-Izzie disaster happened and he lost two girls that he cared about. Izzie, who was exactly the kind of girl he always imagined himself with, is never going to trust him again. And I know he felt something for Callie. He just realized that she was only ever going to see him the same way that you do, but maybe be friendlier. His only consolation is that she's still his best friend. And he needed that. He lost you and Derek, but he got Callie out of the deal, and I don't know what he would have done if she abandoned him too."

"Poor Mark," Addison sighed.

"We're happy together though," Sydney asserted earnestly, "Surprisingly." she looked straight at Addison, her eyes sincere and honest, "In the back of my mind I kinda thought this was going to be like… a training marriage, too prove to ourselves and everyone one else that commitment was something we were capable of, without… actually committing. I mean when Mark 'proposed' to me we had never even so much as kissed. And once we stopped laughing at the idea, we figure it might be worth a try to see it maybe it would work, and it turned out that we are very compatible sexually, which is a good start. But at some point that lusty puppy-dog love that convinced us on a Thursday to get married on Friday, it changed. Now we want to be together. We want to make it work."

"Good," Addison choked out, trying to cover her emotions with a laugh, "God, you are going to make me cry."

Sydney laughed, "Well don't, please. My hormones are already all over the place. Concentrate on telling me what is going on inside my uterus. I'm starting to think I'm carrying an alien-mutant-gummy bear foetus."

Addison laughed shakily, "No," she looked at the screen, studying it for the first time, "Just twins."

Sydney's face broke into a grin, "Really?"

"Ya," Addison pointed to the screen with her index and pinkie fingers "See?" She chuckled, "With twins, your new due date is New Years Eve."

Sydney squealed, already sitting up and wiping gel off her stomach, "Are we done?" she asked excitedly.

"Yes. We're…"

But Sydney was already halfway out the door.

Addison reached the hallway just in time to see Mark put down a tray laden with food only seconds before Sydney threw herself into his arms.

"What's going on?" Alex asked as he appeared at her elbow, watching Mark spin Sydney around in excitement.

"Nothing," Addison replied as Mark let out a loud 'woot' and exclaimed 'TWINS!', "Mark and Sydney are having twins."

"How far along is she?"

"12 weeks," Addison sighed, exchanging a look with Alex, "How's everything going with you?"

"Fine," Alex nodded, "Miller and Turner are ready for discharge and the Gregory triplets might need another day but it's up to you. And the _consult_ can be done anytime between 2 and 4. So, whenever you're ready."

Addison nodded, "I think I'll go lie down for a few hours. Wake me up at 2. And if you think that the triplets need to stay another night, then they should stay another night."

Alex looked her over, "It can wait until at least 3. That gives you an extra hour of sleep."

"I'd rather just do this and then go home," she told him, glancing once more at Mark and Sydney, "They're happy."

"Fine. They're happy. They're still displaying their happiness a little too much for a hospital hallway." 

XXXX

"I don't know what I am more disgusted by."

"What?"

"It's either," Callie tapped her forehead pensively, "the fact that Mark and Sydney are procreating…"

"That's what I'm drinking to," Izzie tipped her glass towards Callie, "One in each hand. In 'celebration' of the twins..."

"Ugh." Callie groaned, "Joe, make that a double please."

"What else are you disgusted by?" Izzie asked after a long silence.

"I'm disgusted that I care," Callie revealed as she leaned heavily on her elbows, "And I'm disgusted that _you_ are the only one to drink with."

"What did I ever do to you," Izzie demanded, "_I'm_ the one that walked in on you with Mark."

Callie rolled her eyes, "Whatever. We were stopping anyway. It seemed like a good idea until we knew we were caught and then we realized that we were just drunk and being stupid. Mark was about to chase after Meredith when you walked in."

"Meredith?" Izzie took another drink with her brow furrowed.

"Word to the wise. Check the other stalls if you are going to attempt sex in a public bathroom. Although we all could have been spared this agony if Meredith and Derek had just locked the bathroom door. Or if Meredith hadn't squealed."

"Meredith," Izzie repeated, chewing on her lip.

Callie drained another glass, "This conversation is awkward," she stated, "One more," she said to Joe's, gulping back the drink he slid over to her, "I have to go celebrate the spawning with the Sloan's."

Izzie watched her leave, sloshing her white wine around in her glass.

"You're thinking." Joe stated.

Izzie nodded.

"About what?" Joe crossed his arms and leaned back against the far counter.

"Well," Izzie considered things for a moment, "Callie just made it sound like Meredith and Derek caught her and Mark last Halloween."

Joe nodded.

"But I was talking to Meredith right before I walked in on them. I literally had just left her." Izzie took a long slow drink, "I did pass Derek in the hallway though."

"Maybe it was just Derek that caught them."

"Maybe…No. She said that all this could have been avoided if _Meredith_ and Derek had just locked the door. And she said that Mark was about to chase after _Meredith_ to stop her from telling me."

"Huh," Joe stared at her, a puzzled look on his face, "But Meredith was never in there, she was already with you. So why would Mark worry about her telling you?"

"Exactly."

They were silent, lost in their own thoughts.

"So... how _did_ you know where to find Mark?" Joe asked finally.

Izzie's brow furrowed as she tried to remember who had told her to look for him in the men's room.

Then it dawned on her.

"Addison told me," she stared at Joe, "You don't think..."

XXXX

Technically, yes, she had patients.

But she also had a mission.

And right now her mission trumped her patients.

Izzie narrowed her eyes as she watched Addison Montgomery walk up the hall towards her. Within seconds, Derek Shepherd joined her and they conversed for several minutes, smiling broadly as they walked slowly, pausing now and then. Twice his hand grazed over the small of her back, and once her hand grazed over his arm.

They continued walking down the hall intently discussing something; Derek's arm went around her shoulders and he leaned closer and spoke until she began nodding in agreement, then they were interrupted by Mark.

Izzie continued to watch.

She watched Derek say something to Mark and take Addison's chart out of her hand to show Mark something. Mark nodded and Derek slapped him on the back in a friendly manner before the 3 of them continued up the hallway.

Izzie sighed.

Derek did have a tendency to touch people when he talked to them.

Still no proof.

XXXX

She was getting tired of this game. She had been watching them all week. If anything she was closer to proving that Addison had something going on with Alex Karev. It seemed that every time that she saw them together they were whispering and talking in low voices, glancing around them like they were about to get caught.

Other then Derek stealing her sandwich, and Addison being very quiet whenever he was around -- she had no proof that anything had ever happened between the two of them.

X  
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XXX  
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"Finally," Derek exclaimed as he walked towards her car, "I was beginning to think you weren't coming."

Addison shook her head as she slammed her door shut, "I need this weekend."

Derek grinned, stepping in front of her when she tried to go to her trunk. "What do you think you are doing?"

"Getting my suitcase."

"You don't need it."

"But all my clothes are in there."

"You don't need them," he repeated slowly.

"Yes, I d-... oh," she grinned slowly, catching his meaning, "I don't do I?"

"No," Derek grinned taking a step closer but not touching her, "You don't. I want you naked. All weekend. No clothes."

"Derek," she took a step back, "I need to talk to you about that. That's kinda why I was late."

"Packing?"

"Being naked. I was... you know," she looked away, "I'm sorry."

Derek sighed. "It's our weekend, Addison," he whined.

"I'm sorry. He's my boyfriend. I just needed..." she shook her head, "Derek don't do this. Not right now."

"Okay..." Derek looked at her oddly, he didn't think he had sounded that put off, this had happened to both of them numerous times. "Do you want to play Scrabble?"

XXXX

Izzie shifted uncomfortably in the front seat of Meredith's car as she sat in the driveway thinking.

She had followed Addison to Derek's trailer.

She had watched them for 3 hours. She watched them play scrabble. She watched them talk. She watched them do nothing explicitly wrong, aside from being sneaky and secretive. 

And she watched Addison drive away in time to catch the last flight out of Seattle for New York until the next day. She had called the airport and checked.

If anything _had_ happened, maybe it was all in the past. It was unlikely, but it was possible. And maybe nothing had happened in the first place and Callie had been mistaken. She admitted she was drunk.

It could be that Derek and Addison were just hanging out and it was completely innocent. It was weird, but maybe they were friends. And maybe they assumed that they could only be friends secretly because of what people would say.

Maybe.

She didn't have any proof either way. You can't prove adultery with board game.

And she didn't believe that Derek would cheat on Meredith. He's McDreamy.

XXXX

Derek watched her saunter back up the grass to the trailer, a small paper bag in her hand, "You were gone awhile."

"This is for you," she whispered hotly in his ear, setting the bag on the table in front of him. She gave him a seductive glance over her shoulder and disappeared into the trailer.

He stared dumbfounded at the door for a moment, then peeked inside the bag.

"Scotch," he murmured out loud, rising and following her into the trailer.  
Again, he was left speechless.

She had stripped away all her clothing and was perched at the end of the bed wearing only her beige lacy lingerie.

He's eyes drifted slowly over her, absorbing every curve, until he belatedly remembered the scotch in his hand, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she replied easily, "I ruined your afternoon," she told him, "I thought it only fair that I make it up to you with your two favourite things, scotch and me –– naked." She grinned and leaned back on her elbows, "There _has_ to be away you can combine the two."

X  
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XXX  
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Addison tugged at a sheet half-heartedly. The bed hadn't been made in 3 days and they still had one more night in the trailer. She wasn't really sure what the point in trying to make the bed. But she needed something to do. Derek had gone fishing for a few hours, and this left her with time to think.

And part of the reason that she had come to the trailer that weekend was to think. She needed some time. Clear her head.

"Addy," Derek burst into the trailer, "Look at this trout."

Addison barely glanced up.

"I know you hate trout in the trailer, but just look at it," he stared in awe at the fish in his hands, "It's huge."

Addison smiled at the proud look on his face, his eyes were sparkling.

She loved that about him.

"Derek," she began slowly, "It's been almost a year."

Derek stared hard at her and put the trout on the counter.

"The first time we came up here to..." Addison glanced up at the ceiling, "It's been almost a year."

Derek took a step towards her, but she immediately stepped back.

"Derek? Would you ..." she took a deep breath, "... leave Meredith?"

He stared at her and took a step back.

She crossed her arms protectively around her, but refused to look at him and refused to explain herself further.

"Addison..."

"No," she interrupted, "I don't want to talk about it or discuss it. I just want to know if you would leave her. For me."

He took another step back; "I..." and he took another step away.

Addison turned away slightly; moments later the trailer door slammed shut. She watched him walk quickly across the grass, staring out at the water for a long time before beginning to pace.

She sat down at the table and buried her face in her hands.

She had to ask, she told herself. She had to know.

It was getting dark and Derek wasn't returning. She had done her own pacing inside but was not brave enough to venture outside; there was a line, and she wasn't crossing it.

She busied herself cleaning and gutting the fish, filleting it and preparing it to be cooked. She made the bed, fighting to ignore the headache that was causing her temples to throb painfully.

Finally she lay down on the bed, curling herself onto her side, surprising herself by quickly falling deeply asleep.

Derek stood at the end of the bed, staring at her. Still uncertain of what exactly he was going to say.

"Addison," he whispered, sitting on the bed beside her, "Addison," he said again.

Her eyes fluttered open, filled with confusion for a mere second before flooding with the possible implications of him sitting there.

They stared at each other, neither able to speak; neither knowing what to say if they could.

Derek looked away and sighed.

She started to sit up, but he stopped her.

"No," his hand brushed against her shoulder, "Go back to sleep," he reached down and pulled the folded blanket from the bottom of the bed and pulled it up over her.

"What?" she asked, her voice mixed with drowsiness and confusion.

"We can talk about it tomorrow," he promised. He bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips, "You've been tired all weekend and I've kept you up, go to sleep."

"But," she protested weakly, "What..."

"It's okay," he promised, kissing her again, "Go to sleep."

She made no move to listen, just watched him apprehensively.

"Addison," he chuckled under his breath at her stubbornness, he carefully kicked off his shoes and lay down on the bed next to her, mirroring her position. He picked up a lock of her hair and rubbed it between his fingers before dropping it and tracing her cheekbone. He smiled at her, sweetly and lovingly, "Go to sleep."

And she did.

X  
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XXX  
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X

Izzie lay in the tub staring at the far wall, her toe playing with the shower shammy hanging from the faucet. There was no water in the tub.

The door burst open and Meredith and Cristina burst in.

"Hey," Izzie said dully. She still hadn't figured out what to say to Meredith and so she was generally avoiding her.

"Hi," Meredith said, clearly surprised to find Izzie in here, "Do you need to be alone?" She sat down beside the tub and rested her neck against the side, "We were coming in here for some serious girl talk."

"Talk away," she invited them as Cristina seated herself against the wall across from Meredith, "I'm just thinking."

"About what?" Meredith asked as she extracted a pint of ice cream from the shopping bag she'd carried in with her.

"Mark," Izzie lied.

Meredith and Cristina exchanged looks, "When's Sydney's due date?" Cristina asked.

Izzie shrugged, "I don't know. End of December, January maybe."

"Winter babies," Cristina pondered out loud, "Interesting."

Izzie sighed and climbed out of the tub. "I'm going to the store," she straightened her shorts and adjusted her ribbed tank top, "Do either of you want anything?"

Meredith and Cristina shook their heads and said goodbye as Izzie closed the door behind her. Izzie could hear them start to talk earnestly as soon as the door clicked shut.

XXXX

"Is Addison sleeping with Derek?"

Alex took a step back, "No. But come on in."

Izzie stepped through Alex's doorway, "She hasn't said anything to you? At all?"

"Why would she tell me if she was?"

"She's your friend."

"What about Torres?"

"Callie doesn't know."

"You already asked?"

"No. I just know she doesn't."

"I hate girls!" Cristina exclaimed walking through the door, she stopped short when she saw Izzie, "What are you doing here?"

"Visiting Alex."

"Okay… but what are you really doing here? Booty call?"

Izzie ignored her, "What happened to your girl talk?"

"It was resolved. Meredith is driving out to see McDreamy himself now. But… oh my GOD. You are not going to believe this…"

XXXX

Alex slipped into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Praying he couldn't be heard over the rush of running water, he dialled his phone, "Addison?" his voice was barely above a whisper, "Addison get out of there."

"What?" She was laughing and not really paying attention to him, "No. Derek. No coffee. I just want toast. Yes, I'm sure."

"Get out of there. Meredith is on her way."

"Meredith…"

"Addison!" he exclaimed, "Get out of the trailer!"

"What's..."

"ADDISON! GET OUT!"

O  
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_6 days earlier_

__

"I just feel that life… is just bitchslapping me repeatedly. And really really hard."

Alex looked at her sympathetically.

"We've been having this stupid affair,"Addison fought to stay in control of her emotions as she lay flat on her back staring at the ceiling, "and now everything's a mess." With that the tears started pouring down her cheeks.

Alex sat awkwardly at her side, reaching out and taking her hand.

It was almost twenty minutes for the tears slowed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked lamely.

She choked on a laugh, "I think you're the best girlfriend I have," she started crying again, "And that sucks."

"Hey that's not true," he moved her so that she was propped up and resting back against his chest, "You have Torres."

"I can't talk to her about this. I can't talk to her about anything. I feel like she judges me."

Alex wrapped his arm around her shoulder, "It would be hypocritical for me to judge you."

"Thank you," she whispered wiping tears from her face. "I tried to have Derek's baby," she revealed after a long tearful pause, "Before things started getting really bad. He wanted a baby so much, and I kept putting it off because my career was going so well and I didn't want to lose that. But then both our careers picked up, we were so busy. Our offices were 30 blocks apart and we didn't even have time to meet for lunch half the time. So one day I just decided - I'd have a baby and then we would have to make time for each other," her voice caught, but she continued, "And I tried and nothing happened. I was never even a day late, half the time I was early. And I wanted a baby so much more than I thought I did. I just... and every time that it didn't work, God," she started shaking her head, almost holding her breath to stop from crying, "And Derek never knew what I was doing, so when I was trying to figure out what was wrong, I started running the tests on myself first. The irony was that the only problem was that I had waited too long. This level was too high, that one was too low, and I was just too old. So I pretended it never happened and things got worse and I slept with Mark."

She fell silent again. Alex just watched her, holding her a bit tighter.

"Again, the irony was that I wasn't as infertile as I thought because after 6 months with Mark I was having an abortion because Derek didn't sign the divorce papers and I couldn't very well fix my marriage AND have my lover's baby. And I wanted Derek's baby, not Mark's." she bit her lip, "Karma sucks." 

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Addison covered her eyes with her hands, "No."

"This is how I see it," he said softly, "The women that want a baby as badly as you want one, those are the women that should have babies, it doesn't matter how they get them. And with Mark and Derek you let un-perfect circumstances stand in the way of a baby that you would have loved no matter who the father was."

"But…"

"No buts Addison," Alex squeezed her hand tightly, "Do you really care who the father of this baby is? I know for practical reasons you need to know, but does it really matter?"

Addison was silent.

"You have feelings for both of them, and there might be someone you'd rather be the father, but you are going to love that baby just as much whether it's Geoff's or Derek's."

"What are you saying?" she asked timidly.

Alex stared at the wall for a moment, "I can get you the DNA sample, you'll know who the father is," he paused, "I'm saying... I'm saying you take this weekend away to decide who you want to raise this baby with. Paternity and parenting are two different things and you have control over who is the father to your baby. Just because you know who it is biologically... Addison, you don't necessarily have to tell anyone."

XXXXXXXXXX

Alright. I rather love this chapter for the simple reason that it's pure insanity.

So I'm rather curious in hearing what you all have to think about it. I mean a lot of it is rather vague. I mean, what the hell is up with Meredith. And what the hell is up with Derek. And just in general... what the hell.

So I really hope to hear from you guys. And remember it's the second to last chapter so everything is wrapping up in the next chapter. Which hopefully will be up soon. Depends how often I can steal this laptop for extended periods of time.

Review SVP


	8. It Ends Tonight

This is the last chapter... Of this section. You know me... I get bored.

This starts right where the last one leaves off.

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Addison flipped her phone closed, "Apparently, I have to leave right now because Meredith is on her way up here."

"Meredith?" Derek questioned in confusion, "Do you want jam on your toast?"

"No, just plain is fine," she glanced at her watch, "My 'flight' doesn't get in for another hour," she sighed, "Maybe I'll go get a massage."

"Are you sure you don't want coffee?" Derek asked, cutting her toast in half and wrapping it in a napkin so she could take it with her in the car, "I can put it in a travel mug."

"I have juice," she held up her thermos and smiled at him as she accepted her toast, "I should get going. I don't want to pass Meredith on the road."

Derek grinned at her, reaching out to wrap a hand around her hip, "See aren't you glad I wouldn't let you have your suitcase? Now you don't have to pack."

She grinned and pecked him on the lips, "Or do laundry," she teased.

He smiled at her, and she watched him pensively.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked softly as he brushed some hair out of her face.

"Nothing," she smiled, "This was a good weekend. I'm glad you talked me into it."

"Ya,I really had to twist your arm," he teased gently tapping her nose with the pad of his finger, "If you go into the hospital, do you want to have lunch with Mark and Sydney?"

"Another double date?" she smiled, "We spend too much time with them."

Derek shrugged, "Who else can we hang out with and be us?"

"No one," she said softly.

He kissed her goodbye and smiled at her, "I'll see you at the hospital, after I talk with Meredith."

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"Or not," Derek grabbed his pager from the counter and glanced at the screen, "Meredith might be arriving to an empty trailer."

XXXX

"Any interesting mail?" Addison asked casually as she slid up to Alex at the counter.

"No." Alex replied shortly, "And I'm not expecting any for at least another week," he looked at her pointedly.

"Sorry," she lowered her voice again, "Thanks for the warning this morning."

"No problems then?"

"None that I know of."

"Good. Good. Addison," he paused but changed his mind, "So, how was your weekend?"

"Good," Addison smiled softly, "It was... perfect."

"So you..."

"Lunch?" Derek appeared at her elbow.

"Sure, I'm starving."

"Addison," Alex said quickly attempting to prevent her departure, "You have a consult in 5 minutes."

"It can wait," she replied easily as she turned to walk down the hall, smiling brilliantly, "I'm having lunch."

XXXX

"I don't think that it's that easy to tell."

"I think that if they are _my sons_ you will be able to tell."

"I think," Sydney grinned, "That if you can tell that easily, you should start accusing me of adultery."

"Hey," Mark shook his head as the implications sunk in, "I'm supposed to be the one that runs around. You are the dutiful housewife."

"Barefoot and pregnant."

"Exactly," Mark leaned back and picked up a carrot, "There will be no question of paternity," he jabbed the carrot in her direction, "You _will_ be able to tell on the ultrasound."

"It doesn't matter, you aren't finding out."

"Syd..."

"No. I don't want to know."

"Fine," Mark looked across the table, "Addison, don't tell her."

"Leave me out of this," Addison picked up her water and smiled easily at Derek who was sitting beside her.

"She's not telling either of us anything. We are being surprised."

"You can be surprised if you want. I want to see my sons."

"Or daughters," Sydney protested, "Or one of each." She looked to Addison, "Don't tell us anything."

"Addison," Mark began.

"Leave me out of it," Addison repeated, "Besides, you won't be able to tell for awhile anyway. You have time to fight this out."

Mark smirked, "They are my sons. _MY_ sons. You'll be able to tell. Right Addison," he winked.

"Oh my God. Seriously. Leave me out of this," she winked at Sydney, "Besides Syd does have a point. If they are _your sons_, you definitely won't be able to tell that easily on an ultrasound. Not for a very _very_ long time."

Mark reddend.

Derek smirked, "That's my girl," he teased Addison in a low voice, his hand grazing over hers.

"My god," Sydney rolled her eyes, "You two are itching to hold hands aren't you?" she turned to her husband, "Didn't I tell you that a weekend away was a bad idea?"

"You did," Mark replied.

She turned back to Addison and Derek, "That is the fifth time that your hands have 'accidently' grazed together since you sat down. You spent all weekend getting used to touching wherever and however you wanted and now you can't stop. Move your chairs apart."

Derek chuckled.

"I'm serious. I don't think that people are nearly as stupid as you hope they are. Move. Further."

Derek and Addison begrudgingly moved apart.

"You must be dating the stupidest people on the planet," Sydney informed them, "You don't even try to hide it anymore."

"That is not true," Addison denied vehemently, "We are very careful."

Derek glanced at Addison a moment, "We are." He agreed, "But we don't have to be as careful around you. Which we like."

Addison nodded in agreement, "We can be ourselves." She turned back to Derek and they locked eyes.

"Four days away and you are talking about yourselves as a combined entity. I'm sure that Meredith is going to love that."

Derek and Addison didn't respond, just shared a smile and reached for their drinks.

Mark watched them suspiciously, "What is going on with you? You guys are happy. It's disconcerting."

Derek smiled, "We had a good weekend," he sighed and pushed back his chair, "I'm going to go find Meredith before she gets dragged back into surgery," he picked up his tray and gave Addison one last glance, "I'll get a hold of you later."

Mark stared hard at Addison, "What's going on?"

XXXX

"Are you sure that no one saw us come inhere?"

"Positive," Izzie stuck her head out thedoor. No one was around, "Let's go."

Izzie, Meredith and Cristina slide inconspicuously into the hall.

"When are you going to..." Cristina gestured rather spoke the rest of her sentence.

"As soon as I see him," Meredith grinned.

"Good," Cristina pointed, "Cause he's right there talking tothe McEx."

Meredith looked at Cristina and Izzie before stepping forward and crossing to the other side of the nurses' station.

Izzie watched as the three exchanged pleasantries before Meredith and Derekwalked down the hall and entered one of the glassed inconference rooms and closed the door behind them.

Izzie glanced curiously at Addison who was watching Derek and Meredith covertly over the top of her chart. Her eyes were wide and clear, but there was something Izzie couldn't read in them. Suddenly Addison's face contorted with confusion.

Izzie turned back; Meredith was showing a shocked Derek a small print out. Izzie knew what it was; she had preformed that ultrasound herself.

The sound of Addison's chart hitting the floor behind her toldIzzie that Addison recognized the print out too.

XXXX

"Addison," Alex hissed as he stuck his head into the women's washroom, "You have been in here over an hour. People are starting to talk."

No response.

"Torres is looking for you," he stepped halfway through the door, "And Geoff called. Twice. And he sent you flowers. I think he missed you this weekend."

He heard sniffling but got no verbal response.

"And Bailey is pissed that she gave you internsand they are just sitting around talking. She's threatening to take them away."

He heard a quiet sob and stepped all the way into the washroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

"I tried to warning you..." he began, "Open the door."She didn't reply."Addison open the door or I am dragging you out by those $500 dollar shoes."

The door swung open and she emerged her face red and blotchy. "Don't threaten my shoes," she said quietly, taking a deep breath before looking at her reflection in the mirror. "Meredith is pregnant too.""I know," Alex said quietly, "Cristina told me.""How..." Addison's face contorted as she tried to hold back an onslaught of tears, "How do these things happen to me? Why... I know that I don't deserve... God," she gripped the counter, "I thought it was over. I thought that I was done being punished. Apparently all that punishment was for the Mark-Affair, now I'm paying for the Derek one." She turned and sunk ungracefully to the floor, "He was supposed to be leaving her, not having a baby with her. God what is in the water in this hospital?"

Alex smiled sadly and sat on the floor with her, "Give him a chance to..."

"To do what Alex? I can't expect him to leave her now. She's pregnant."

"So are you."

"I know that, but..." she trailed off, "She's having his baby. There is no doubt that that baby belongs to Derek and Meredith, it's their baby. My baby... it might be Geoff's. It probably is. Ican't ask Derek to leave Meredith and their baby for me and a baby that's probably Geoff's. I can't ask him to leave his child."

"But you could ask him to leave his girlfriend for you and another man's child?"

"Yes," she brushed some tears "But what if this is his baby too?"

"Then..." she paused, "He's not stupid, he can do math. He'll call me on it and we'll figure it out.We'll lie and say it was a onetime thing, or he will be an uncle to the baby. I don't know... I just, I can't tell him now."

"I think it's his," Alex reached over and took her hand, kissing the top of her head when she curled against his shoulder, "You deserve it to be his."

"I want it to be his," she whispered, "So much. So so much."

XXXX

Addison looked around the trailer. The bed was a mess. Sheets in a twisted knot, pillows and blankets kicked to the floor. His clothes that she had been wearing the whole weekend were thrown in corners. Acashmere throw was bundled on the end of the couch from when they had started to watch a movie. The sink was full of dishes, and his fishing rod was leaning against the inside of the door.

She blotted the tears away from her eyes and opened the door to the bathroom. Quickly she tossed her toothbrush and comb into her purse, opening and closing doors to make sure that she hadn't forgotten anything.

She stepped back into the hallway and froze.

"Addison..." Derek took a step towards her, "I didn't know."

Addison clutched her purse closer to her side, "But now you do. Congratulations."

"Addison..."

"I need to go."

"Addison come on," Derek pleaded, "Just, stay. We'll figure this out tomorrow. Just stay. Please."

"When is she due?"

Derek's expression was pained, "March."

"Winter baby," she forced a smile despite the tears that were clouding her vision.

"Addison," Derek took a step forward, "I don't want..."

"It doesn't matter," Addison stepped past him, "It doesn't matter what we want anymore. What matters," she took a deep breath, "You're going to be a dad," she smiled genuinelyat that thought, "And I want you to be a dad. And you want that too."

"But I want you," he said quietly.

"You want it all," she sighed, "We both do. It's our fatal flaw."

XXXX

"I thought we were going to do something."

Derek smiled at Meredith as he lifted her legs off the couch and pulled them across his lap, "I got heldup," he apologized, "But on the way home I made reservations for dinner tomorrow night. And I tried to buy you flowers but nothing seemed quite right," he leaned over and kissed her, "I'll find something perfect tomorrow."

She grinned.

He grinned back.

"I don't even know what to say," Meredith laughed as her head dropped back against the cushions, "It doesn't even feel real yet." She laughed, "I was more annoyed then anything until Cristina called it the mini-McDreamy and then I just... that's just so cute."

"Since when do you like cute things?"

"I like you," she teased.

"You're very happy," Derek observed tucking some hair behind her ear.

"I am happy," she reflected, "We are in a good place, not perfect, but good. I think we'll make good parents."

"But you're going to freak out eventually right?"

"Oh. Of course. I'm pregnant. Once that sinks in..."

Derek laughed, "Good. You had me worried."

"You're happy right?"

Derek smiled, "I'm going to be a dad."

XXXX

"You are never going away again," Geoff greeted her as she walked across the porch, dropping her suitcase near the door, "I missed you too much."

"I bought the girls souvenirs," Addison sighed as she sat next to him on the wicker love seat and curled into his side.

"How was New York?"

"New York was good," she wrapped an arm around his waist, "I'm glad to be home."

"Tired?" he asked.

"Exhausted," she confirmed. "I'm pregnant."

Geoffrey pulled away to look her in the eyes, "We're havinga baby?"

She nodded.

Geoffrey grinned, "Oh Addy," his hands cupped her face, "A baby."

Tears filled her eyes again, "January 2nd," she laughed, "Mark and Sydney are due at the same time. They can play together."

Geoffrey continued to grin, to shocked to form words.

Addison watched him apprehensively, "Are you happy?"

"I'm I... Addison..." He laughed, "I was waiting out here for you so that I could give you this," He pulled a diamond ring out of his pocket.

"You were going to propose?" Addison's face softened and tears startedpouring down her face.

"I just didn't know how to bring it up."

"I don't know what to say," Addison said through the tears.

"Say yes."

"Yes. Of course. Yes."

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Okay. Go ahead. Let me have it.

Review


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